Message from your heart
by ScotlanXX
Summary: Post J.O.N.A.S. Nick is always left in the dust by his eldest brother. Will Nick's 18th birthday cause Kevin to realize he's losing him? Or will he hide from reality once more...R&R &Subscribe for more updates!
1. 1 Nick's POV

_**AN:This is a JOINT story, written by**_ Nikki[TheNikster & Emily[HavahKinny.  
_**Can anyone guess who is writing who? Am I writing Kevin or Nick? Is Emily Writing Kevin or Nick?  
Who can guess?  
-Nikki**_

* * *

**Message from your heart**

The smell of sugar and charcoal filled my sinuses as I pushed my way through the crowd to the backyard to get some air. I was stopped briefly by my sudden urge to drink something, or at least hold something in my hands. As I passed a woman holding a tray of drinks I grabbed a soda and began to move for the side of the house where my old tree house was still standing for Frankie to use…but I even had to admit, he was getting old enough not to care about it any longer.

"Nicholas!"

I groaned as an older woman made her way over towards me. As much as it killed me to be rude, I couldn't help but let the thought of telling the woman to take a hike and she smelled like cats enter my mind. My mind came back to reality immediately as a lanky hand full of nimble fingers covered my right shoulder.

"My, my, Nicholas you've grown so much."

"Thanks Aunt Pearl."

"Where is my hug?" She asked in a rather derogatory tone. I had no time to even reply as her poor excuse for arms encircled me in just as poor of an embrace. "That-a-boy." She smiled down at me, she was a scrawny, lanky, tall woman…my aunt Pearl… makes me cringe; she smelled like cats. The fact she lived with uncle Charlie and never once owned a cat in her life, made my curiosity heighten…and not in a good way.

"I'm sorry Aunt Pearl…but I was about to go grab something, um…do you mind?"

"Oh, of course not." She gave her toothy grin and patted my shoulder. "Happy Birthday Nicholas darling." She waved me off and immediately began to chat with my mother. Thank god…I walked as fast as I could without catching anyone's attention and climbed into the tree house.

It was then, peering out of one of the three windows of the tree house, that I noticed something…Kevin wasn't there. I stared down into the bottle of rootbeer I had grabbed and sighed. Rootbeer was Kevin's favorite…he drank it like I drank milk…it was the little things that I noticed about my eldest brother, which caused my heart to beat faster everytime…I fell in love with the little things, with the imperfections…with everything that was Kevin.

My cell phone light went off and I yanked it out of my back pocket of the tight black jeans I was wearing, but nothing showed up on the screen as I flipped it up. I had just hit the volume button and it lit it up. Great…here I am holding a bottle of rootbeer and the cell phone Kevin had bought me two years ago.

"Great job Nick…you are officially a moronic loser." I said to myself aloud. Leaning my head back against the cool hardwood of the tree house, I took a deep breath while my eyes glued themselves to the screen of my phone. I shouldn't have to call him…I shouldn't have to remind him of my birthday…that it was today…the 16th of September…my 18th day of birth.

"Dammit." I cursed myself as I held down the first speed dial button on my keypad, immediately lighting the screen up with the irritating lettering "Calling Kevin" across it, with those…irritating dots flashing across the bottom…

"Hello?"

I blanked as I heard a girls voice on the other line. I began to shake with anger and pain as the voice of Kevin in the background quipped in over her voice on the line.

"Who is that?"

"I don't know …" Came her confused tone. "Hello, is someone there?" She tried again. This time I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out and I quickly closed my phone. I couldn't do it…I can't just cope with the pain of my own brother forgetting about me…not again…


	2. 2 Kevin POV

"Who is that?" I asked, leaning over to take my cell phone from Annette, Anne to her friends.

"I don't know…hello? Is someone there?" She shrugged and handed me the phone.

"Fuck." I turned the phone off, hanging up on my younger brother.

"Who was it?" She asked.

"Nick." I probably shouldn't have told her that…I should have lied. I should have said it was someone else…anyone else.

"What'd you hang up on him for?" Anne asked, looking at me with one eyebrow raised. "I thought you and Nick were tight."

"We are…" I sighed. I didn't want to tell her the real reason why I was hanging up on him. That I was skipping his 18th birthday party. That I was scared to see him become a man. "I'm just a little sick of him right now." Wow, great lie Kevin.

"Uh huh…" Anne looked skeptically at me. I must have looked guilty because a second later she pieced things together. "Paul Kevin Jonas the SECOND tell me why the hell you are here with me right now instead of with Nick?" I hated being called by my full name. Paul…the second…so ugly it made me shudder.

"Uh…why would I be with him?" Wow, that was even lamer than the last lame thing you said.

"Because Kevin, he's 18 today." She folded her arms across her chest and glared at me. I deserved that glare, but I wasn't going to that party. I didn't want to see thousands of girls swarming around Nick now that he was "legal" as it were. He wouldn't give it up to any of them, I knew that, but at your 18th birthday party you're bound to go a little wild and I didn't want to be there to see it.

"So? He probably didn't even notice I wasn't there."

"He called you." Fuck. She was right. He was gonna be pissed at me for missing this, but there was no way I could go.

"He probably just wanted me to run out for more ice or some lame thing like that." I shrugged it off. That was all Nick ever seemed to want anymore. A quick word in the hallway or something about a new song was it and other then that it was just straight forwards band stuff. Socially he'd been avoiding me like the bubonic plague.

"You and I both know you're being a dick about this. He's your little brother. If I remember correctly he was there when you turned 22 last year and I'm sure he'll be around when you hit 23 in a couple of months."

"Only because mom and dad made him last year." I knew that wasn't true, but I didn't want to be in trouble with Anne and I REALLY didn't want her to make me go to that party.

"Yeah…sure." She sighed. "Look, if you're gonna stand up your little brother on his 18th birthday, you're doing it alone. I'll see you when you've decided to pull your head from your ass. Get out of my house." She stood up from the couch and attempted to pull me from it as well. I let her. There was no way she was going to let me stay for the rest of the movie now, not a chance. I knew she would use force…and her doorknob to get me out of the house if necessary.

"Night," I said as she pushed me out the door.

"Go be a good brother and call me when you've come too." She slammed the door in my face. She wasn't really angry, she just didn't want me to be putting her above my family. I understood her logic, but she didn't have the full story…not the story that she needed at any rate. I sighed as I walked to my car and got in. I could still make it to Nick's party, but I didn't want to. Again, too many girls with one big excuse to drip all over him. He was going to be angry, just like he was two years ago when I "spaced" on his sweet sixteen. I didn't space, it was the same deal, too many people all singing to his tune. It killed me every time I saw him in a setting like that. He could have anyone he wanted…and I could too, almost. I didn't want any of the "sexy" fangirls, hell, I didn't even want Anne even though everyone thought we would be perfect together. No, whom I wanted I couldn't have and that's what was keeping me away from that party tonight. I was in love with Nick. I had been for four years and it wasn't going to leave any time soon.


	3. 3 Nick POV

My phone began to vibrate in my hand, I had dazed of into space for what was, according to my phone, about an hour or so. It vibrated into my palm once again as that double hum filled my ears. It was Joe. I opened the phone and clicked the open text button.

Hey big shot 18 year old, where the hell did you go? Joeyboy Right…big shot 18 year old…more like big shot SAP. "This is ridiculous." I groaned, sinking lower onto the floor of the tree house as I saw a flash of hair pass by the ground. If I could make one lucky guess, I would have sworn it was my Aunt Pearl…and honestly I did NOT want to deal with her. The longest sigh seemed to escape my lips as I looked down at the phone in my hands, longing to toss it out the uncovered window and pretend I'd never even received the blasted piece of pathetic plastic and wiring. Finally after a long debate in my mind I tucked the phone in my pocket and shut my eyes. 

"Nick?" I opened my eyes and sighed as I heard my fathers voice outside the tree house. I wasn't going to get away from my 18th birthday no matter how much I could try; I could sail to the ends of the earth and probably have everyone find me with the smell of cat's lingering off of Aunt Pearl.

"Nicholas Jonas, I know you're up there, son."

I sighed; hoping it wasn't loud enough for anyone to heard and sat up, looking out of the window. "Hey, dad."

"Why are you up there, it's your 18th birthday, you're a man." He gave a broad smile, which only caused my stomach to churn even more. A man…great…just want I need, to be treated like a kid, and now a man kid…yeah, I'm ecstatic…really. I washed away my sarcasm as I climbed down from the tree house to face my father in a more respectful manor, rather than from a small window of a tree house I've had since I was 7.

"Just thinking, you know…being 18 and all…a lot of childhood memories in this tree house and all…" I didn't completely lie…I really was thinking, but not about my tree house memories. I watched my father's mouth begin to move but my ears blocked out the sound waves that were emitting from his vocal cords. Again, I drifted to the pain I was feeling, how could he…again…it wasn't fair, you know? Your own brother forgetting one of the most important days in a person's life, in my life... I wished he was here, I kept staring blankly ahead at the back gate, half hoping Kevin to walk through the wooden fence opening and apologizing, saying he was just running late…but I knew he was with a girl…but because of my great idiocrocy, I dialed the damn number, only to get a female voice, and then my brother's voice in the background, not even able to answer my call, let alone the fact I had been the one to call him…I wanted to cry, wanted to break down into tears and just break until I fell into a sleeping slumber of death…but that wasn't my thing…death I mean…even though the night of my 16th when Kevin never came home, never said anything to me I sat in my room and nearly had to be shipped off to the hospital because I had forgotten to take my insulin during my depressed and confused state. As I drifted away from my memories I barely caught the glimpse of my dad walking away and Joe replacing the spot he was currently just in.

"Hey Nick-o." came his brother's sultry voice. "Are you alright?"

I barely opened my mouth to answer when my phone began to vibrate in my back pocket. I sighed and reached my hand behind me, retrieving the dreadful thing and flipped it up. My heart sank; it was Kevin. I could feel the intense gaze of my older brother looking at me, knowing the question he was about to ask.

"Are you going to answer that?"

No…Kevin, didn't deserve it…but maybe I should just hear him out? No, why should I listen to any excuse he has! He ditched out on my birthday, he was only hear for my 17th birthday because I specifically asked to not have anything revolving parties, just to go bowling with the family or something, and we did that, but Kevin never said happy birthday, he never said anything, so why should I give him the time of day anymore? The only reason I talk to him now is to talk about a new song, or ask him a question revolving the band. Maybe I was being unfair…I finally lost my own debate and answered the phone, not saying anything. There was a long silence before a shaky break of breath could be heard over the line. I finally tried to break the silence.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice more hesitant than I intended. "Kevin?"

Click…the line went dead. I felt Joe's gaze get heavier with curiosity and questions. "Well?" Joe asked intently.

"Wrong number I guess…" I lied. I knew Joe knew I was lying, because I distinctively called out Kevin's name on the phone; Joe wasn't stupid. But I really didn't want to deal with the questions right now. I pushed passed my brother and joined the crowd as they sang happy birthday to me, and I held the fake smile for as long as I could before pushing through the house up to my room and shut the door.


	4. 4 Kevin POV

Why was I such a god damned coward? I called and as soon as he answered I'd hung up. I was acting like a 12 year old girl and I knew it. Calling was THE WRONG thing to do. Fuck Kevin, why did you think it was a good plan? Why? I slammed my hand on the steering wheel of my Jeep commander. I just wanted to go up to my room but with the party in full swing what chance did I have of getting by un noticed? I just sat in my car and waited. I waited for people to start leaving, I waited until I thought I could make it safely in the house, to my room before I got out of my car. I made a beeline for the back door and I almost made it, too. "What's your problem?" Joe asked, standing in front of the door, blocking me from my goal.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking at him, lying again…badly.

"Our kid brother turns 16 and you disappear for 32 hours. He turns 18 and you miss his party and then try to sneak in to the house. What kind of brother are you?"

"Not a very good one?" I tried, hoping that would get me off the hook.

"No, it makes you a downright shit ass brother." Joe hauled back and punched me in the nose…which I probably deserved and I would have admitted it except ow…it hurt!

"Fuck Joe, how much have you had to drink?"

"Just a couple sprites…" he began to laugh. "Mixed with some rather questionable clear liquid which some people call vodka…though I prefer happy juice."

"If you don't move I'm gonna cause some serious damage to your happy juice." And I wasn't talking about alcohol.

"Wow…I'm scared," Joe feigned terror, which only pissed me off more.

"Just move ok? Go fuck some drunk chick," I snarled.

"Ok." He nodded and called after a girl in a pair of jeans and white t-shirt. "Hey Aileen, wanna go make out in Nick's tree house?"

"Ok," she called back, linking arms with him and walking over to it. Pathetic. Joe was pathetic, but I was worse. He may be drunker then a Jew on Purim, but at least he'd shown up. I watched as Joe and Aileen made their way to the tree house; Joe fell off of the ladder three times before he made it up. I sighed, closed my eyes for a split second, and disappeared into the house. I was almost to my room when I noticed something odd. Nick's light was on and his door was slightly ajar. I knew that he was probably out with the party, but I couldn't help my curiosity, he never left his light on when he was out, it was part of his scheme to single handedly save the world or something. I pushed the door open slightly and sure enough, there was Nick, slumped on his bed, sniffling slightly. I felt bad, no I felt terrible. He had seen me though, and there was no going back. I entered the room and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Nick, what's wrong?" I asked. He didn't look up, he just turned his phone over and over again in his hands. The phone I gave him after his old one died when he left it in his pants pocket while mom did the laundry.

"You should know," he said, glaring at me. "You're never here when I need you anymore. I turn 16 and you're gone. I turn 18 and you're gone. I could die and you wouldn't come to my funeral."

"Nick, that's not true!" I wanted to reach out to him, to hold him, to tell him that I loved him more then anything in the world, but part of keeping my feelings in was keeping my distance, and I couldn't let these feelings out.

"Oh yeah?" He asked. "Then tell me where you were tonight." He dropped the phone on his mattress and folded his arms across his chest, waiting for a decent explanation.

"I was…" I sighed. There was now way that I could spin this my way, not without admitting my feelings and that was out of the question. "I was out."

"You were with a girl," he snapped. "It meant more to you to make it with some chick then to show up at my party." Oh god, he did not look happy.

"It's not like that Nick!" I argued. And it wasn't. It wasn't like that at all.

"Then how is it Kevin? How is it that some girl's answering your phone and then the line goes dead when you were supposed to be here? I don't mean to sound whiney, but 18's a big deal and I was there for you Kevin, I was there for you."

"I-I know." I sighed and hung my head in shame. "Look, I swear that I had a good reason for being where I was instead of here, but I just can't explain it to you, you wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Nick looked at me defiantly, taunting me, teasing me without even knowing it.

"Nick, no." I shook my head. "I shouldn't have to explain my every move to you, I'm my own person and I never said I'd come to this party."

"You shouldn't have had to," Nick argued. "We weren't fighting and you're my brother! It should have been a given that you'd be here tonight."

"Well did anybody miss me?" I asked.

"I did!" Nick yelled. He looked at me exasperated. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die, I hated that I'd hurt him like this, I really needed to think of better ways to go about things in the future. "I want an explanation Kevin, why did you leave me high and dry?" I sighed. He looked so hurt, so angry…this was agony.

"I didn't come because…because of this." I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and pressed my lips against his.

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**Wow that was suspensful!**


	5. 5 Nick POV

I hadn't even noticed that a vehicle pulled up at the house, let alone hear anyone come up the stairs a while later. I probably wouldn't have known if a meteor had hit the world. Honestly, I could have cared less about anything; that is until I saw him. Peeking through my door. It wasn't until he sat down beside me and asked what was wrong that I let it out. His poor pathetic excuses just added to the fire and I wanted to know what the hell was up, no, I demanded to know what was up. What was his drama? What was his issue with me? I mean COME ON, TWICE! 16 and 18…it was a fucking party, not like he was watching me get married, but I'd guess he'd probably miss out on that too.

"…I never said I'd come to this party."

"You shouldn't have had to," I snapped. How could he even say such a thing! "We weren't fighting and you're my brother! It should have been a given that you'd be here tonight."

"Well did anybody miss me?" Wow…that was the stupid question in the history of questions. Well at least right now it was. I felt the tears that wanted to spill from my eyes but I held them back.

"I did!" I choked out before I would even think about it…but it was true. I missed him…he would have been the only thing I would have enjoyed on my birthday…not that he cared. I tore my eyes away from my converse covered feet and replaced them on Kevin.

"I want an explanation Kevin, why did you leave me high and dry?" I was about to deck him…my fist clenched into a ball in my lap.

"I didn't come because…because of this." I opened my mouth to ask what stupid explanation that was when all I could feel next was a pair of lips on my own. My eyes were glued to his as he kissed me. It took a moment or two…or maybe forever…to realize exactly what he meant… but even then, I was guessing. I immediately pulled away from him, causing us both to tumble backwards and fall onto the floor.

"I-I'm…" Kevin looked like he was about to cry, or maybe it was me…

"You kissed me…" I said aloud, more to my self then him. My voice was lost as Kevin began to stand up.

"I…"

"Kevin…" I started, but my voice caught in my throat and I began to realize that Kevin was getting flustered, nervous…scared? I had no time to react as my older brother fled the room and left me sitting there, on the floor of my bedroom, only to a coldness I never thought I would feel more than ever…and the loud click of Kevin's door.

I was so confused…I curled into a ball and began to cry.


	6. 6 Kevin POV

Why had I done that? Could I have been anymore stupid? I thought the whole point of tonight was to NOT let Nick know how you felt, not to kiss him! I ran from Nick's room, slipping in the hallway, but that didn't stop me, I made a mad dash for my room and slammed my door. "ARGH!" I cried out before falling face first on to my bed. The only thing that this accomplish was further pain to my nose and blood on my quilt. I just couldn't do anything right, could I? I flipped over on to my back and stared at my ceiling. I wanted him so badly and now he was never, ever going to talk to me again. That was NOT a normal birthday present. When you're brother turns 18 you buy him lottery tickets, cigarettes, porn, shit like that, you don't kiss him!

When I was 18, my dad took me to register to vote, when Joe turned 18 I in turn took him. Had Joe taken Nick? It wasn't likely, but I didn't know because I'd been gone the whole day. I should have done that, taken Nick to get his voter's registration, not kissed him. How much stupider could I be? Not much. I was almost 23 years old, I still lived at home, I was playing teeny bopper music for girls half my age and I was in love with my 18 year old brother who would probably never be able to look me in the eyes again. When would things even out? Oh yeah, that's right, NEVER! I thought I had my feelings in check, stay away on major occurrences, don't be alone with Nick, don't let him get to you. GOD, what had I done? I had not only ruined his 16th and 18th birthdays, but possibly the rest of his life. I don't know how long I was staring at that ceiling, reprimanding myself again and again for my actions, but it seemed like forever before there was a knock on my door. I grunted. It didn't matter who it was at this point, I was in hell.

"I hope you're happy," Joe said, entering the room. I could see Aileen in the hallway waiting for him, and I wasn't sure that I wanted her to hear him set me straight, but there wasn't much that I could do to stop it.

"What?" I asked grumpily. Could this day get any worse?

"Nick's in tears. I just stopped by to wish him happy birthday again and he's curled up like a sick little kitten, crying his eyes out." Joe glared at me again. He seemed a little more sober, but not much, he'd just compared Nick to an ill feline. He was so much more then that.

"I-I…" I didn't know what to say. Of course I wasn't happy, but I couldn't explain to Joe what had happened! He never would have understood, just like Nick didn't. I'd forced Nick to tears…god, he was going to hate me forever.

"You what? You didn't mean to make him cry?" Joe asked in a mocking tone that I didn't much care for. "You ruined his birthday on accident?"

"YES!" I cried out. "OF COURSE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! HE'S MY BROTHER I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE MISERABLE!" I screamed. I wanted to get rid of Joe, I wanted him and his girl out of my sight. I wanted to be alone.

"THEN GO AND FIX IT!" Joe retaliated. "Apologize, give him your present, something!" Joe threw his arms in the air, clearly exasperated. That was part of the problem. I didn't have a present for Nick, I hadn't gotten him anything. I truly was the worst brother in the history of the world…well except for maybe Cain…he was pretty bad…that's not the point.

"I- fuck…" I trailed off again. Joe was right. I should go apologize to Nick for what I'd done, but I didn't want to, apologizing for something like this was so hard.

"Exactly." Joe nodded. "If he's still upset by the time I wake up and get rid of my hangover tomorrow, I'm going to kill you. He's supposed to be happy, not depressed.

"I know…" I sighed. If Nick was this distraught by the time the killer hangover that I knew he would have in the morning disappeared then I deserved to be pulverized by his wrath…hell, I probably deserved it now.

"I'm not fucking around here Kevin, you've gotten on my last nerve." Joe shot a warning glance at me and left the room with Aileen.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, Jesus Christ hellfire god damnit shit fucking bitch motherfucker!" I wanted to scream the words, but Frankie was in the house and I didn't need another person scolding me, so I didn't. I said them quietly, but angrily. Apologizing to Nick, that's what I had to do and that's what I was gonna do, no matter how hard it was or how much it hurt…on second though, maybe not. I was already in bed, why not just stay here and talk to Nick in the morning? Because if I didn't do it now, I wouldn't do it at all. I sighed and pulled myself off of the bed. I slowly made my way to Nick's room and made sure that no one was watching before knocked. "Nick?" I called softly. "Nick, I'm sorry." Was that enough? Had he heard me? Could I go to bed now? No. I had to apologize to him face to face. "Nick, can I come in?"


	7. 7 Nicks POV

"Nick?"

I could hear the words but I couldn't comprehend them, couldn't respond even if I wanted to. I felt a hand land on my shoulder and I knew it was Joe. The smell of Vodka on his breath made me sigh, I hadn't even drunk anything, but then again I just turned 18, not 21. With a loud sigh I heard emit from Joe, the hand have my shoulder a squeeze before I was once again left to my corner of tears.

How could he! How could he just kiss me like that? Oh right…he was trying to prove a point, of what, incestuous feelings? Or attraction? Or was it just an apology for missing two of the most important days of my young life…as my eyes began to burn from the tears I began to think of the kiss more and more. It was brief…yeah because of me. Because of my resentment I let my feelings get out of line…I was feeling more and more for Kevin over the years, that is until he began to act differently around me when I turned 16…I could have kissed Kevin until death…that's how much emotion I've been holding back over the year. I don't know anymore. I'm so confused…did Kevin…Did Kevin care about me in the same way? …Of course he does, why would he have kissed you like that if he hadn't shared those feelings as well…but what if he was just as confused as I was? As I am…

"Dammit." I sobbed into my arms as I began to debate cantankerously in my mind.

"This is fucking ridiculous!" I let out a cough, choking on my own brackish tears.

"Nick…?"

My sobs began to throttle back, trying to maintain calm as I quickly turned off my light, maybe he would thing I was asleep.

"Nick, I'm sorry."

So it _was _a gaffe…a mistake…

My heart began to dissolve into aching, smoldering tears I had been shedding. Kevin was apologizing for kissing me…or was it for everything…I wanted so badly to run up to the door, fling it open and throw my arms around his beautiful neck and kiss him like there's nothing else in the world. Like nothing else that mattered more to me that just him and me, together.

I bit back the pristine tears that crawled up, waiting to jump into a torrent.

"C-can I come in?"

He obviously had seen my light on previously, so that didn't work. I took a few deep breaths and wiped all the tears and trails away that I could without looking in the mirror. I crawled up onto my bed and laid on it as I heard the door begin to crack open. I hadn't answered, and I was guessing Kevin didn't know whether or not I did answer or not, but there he was, standing in front of the now closed door to my room.

It was all I could do not to breath out raggedly, my nervousness and anger still trying to outweigh each other.

"Nicky?"

"Don't call me that." I was trying to sound like I was just fine, but I wasn't, and it showed. My voice came out asphyxiated.

Kevin must have heard the tremble in my voice, because I could hear a slow shuffle and then the edge of my bed begin to sink.

"Nick I'm sorry."

"For what?" I began, not letting him answer before I continued. "For not being here for any major event that included me and my birthday? I mean I know it was only two…but then there was a few autograph signings and other small showings that you seemed to disappear off too, leaving me with those people…the girls are Joe's thing…I just…wanted to be there with someone else who didn't seem to absorb fan girl spot light, like you…like when we would just laugh and watch Joe almost get pulled off stage, or over a table…or fall over from the hugs…"

I began to feel the tears silently drip down my cheeks from my chocolate brown orbs…and I let out a shaky breath, waiting for Kevin to say something, but his back was still turned to me, my back was to his back, and I swear I could feel his heart beat quicken. Taking a small breath I continued.

"Or for kissing me…because there's nothing to be sorry for if you meant it the way I think you did…" My voice failed me slightly, as I said the next part. "You never tell me you love me anymore…am I that horrible…"

I felt his gaze…and the tears fell down with no sound, I didn't even sob this time…they just cascaded down my face.


	8. 8 Kevins POV

I just stared at him. He looked so…I don't even know, pained I guess…but there was something else there too. "No Nick, of course you're not horrible!" I had almost called him Nicky again, but he didn't want that, he didn't want me to. Next thing I knew he'd be wanting me to call him Nicholas…that might kill me. "It's me that's been wrong here…" I sighed, how could I say this without totally screwing myself over? "I'm sorry for all of those things Nick…and the kiss. I did mean it…and you can interpret that how you want…" I paused, trying to choose my words carefully, something that I wasn't terribly good at. "But I still love you and I don't want you to forget that, alright?" Nick nodded slowly. I had no idea what he was thinking. Just tell him how you feel Kevin. No. Do it! He deserves to know why you've been putting him through everything. NO! I CAN'T! You should be able to tell him anything, he's your brother. EXACTLY! He's my BROTHER! Shut up voice.

"So is that it?" He asked. I felt the bed moved as he resituated himself atop it.

"Yes." No.

"Alright." He nodded. There was silence for several minutes before he spoke again. "Please leave." I should have seen that one coming.

"Ok." I stood up and started to leave, but I turned back around. "Tomorrow though, I'm gonna take you to register to vote, ok? I should have done that today, but I uh…I wasn't being a good brother. I honestly didn't think you'd notice my absence." At least that was the truth.

"Ok." He didn't look terribly excited, but I couldn't blame him. I wasn't giving him any reason to smile. I just screwed up one thing after the other.

"Well goodnight…" I headed towards the door again. "Oh, and Nick? Happy birthday…18 is a huge landmark and I'm sorry that I ruined it for you." I didn't wait for him to agree with me before going back to my room. I sighed as I undressed, changing in to a pair of flannel pajama pants and nothing else. I hadn't had the courage to tell him…or maybe it was harder not to, I wasn't quite sure. I crawled in to bed and pulled the blankets in tight around me. I wasn't cold, I just felt like being close to _something_ and since it was painfully clear that it was going to be a long time…if ever…before that thing became the person that I wanted, so for now I would have to settle for a sheet, a fleece blanket and a quilt.

I'm not sure when my thoughts morphed in to dreams and I drifted from the world of painful consciousness, but the next thing I knew my alarm was blaring at me, forcing me to get up. I woke up every day at 8:30 whether I needed to or not and today was no different. I threw the blankets off and kicked my legs over the side of the bed so that I was sitting up, my feet on the floor. I rested my elbows on my thighs and lowered my face to my pals, rubbing my eyes – an action which soon gave way to raking my fingers through my currently very messy abundance of curls. I should just cut them. No one likes them anyways, no one thinks they're beautiful, they always complain that I should keep straightening my hair. Everyone likes Nick's curls…everyone likes everything about Nick. Kevin, stop being jealous…I slapped myself in the forehead to get the thoughts from my mind. I stood and went to the linen cupboard in the hallway, where I grabbed a towel before making my way to the bathroom that Joe and I shared. Nick shared with Frankie so I wouldn't have to worry about running in to him.

"Morning." My mother smiled at me as I passed her in the hallway. All I could do was let out a tired grunt. I wasn't anything until I'd had my coffee. She knew that and laughed, tousling my curls before walking on. I lied. One person likes my curls, my mom. I think Anne might like them too, but she pretends not to care what I do with my hair. I knocked on the door. The action was out of habit, Joe was NEVER up before 10 unless he had to be and even then 10 was a bit of a stretch…especially when Aileen spent the night. As expected, no one objected, so I entered the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I turned the shower on and took a quick look in the mirror while I waited for the water to warm up. I looked like shit. Then again, I usually did in the mornings, I just felt worse because of the pain I'd caused Nick the night before.

"Morning fucker," I said to myself. Then I turned away from my reflection, shed my pajamas and stepped into the shower. The warm water on my chest made the rest of me shiver for a second before I got used to the temperature change. I just stood there for a couple of minutes letting the water wake me up a little bit. I wished I hadn't told Nick that I'd take him downtown to register…it wasn't that I didn't want to, it was just that I wasn't sure what I was going to say to him on the car ride there and back…it would be an awkward hour or so if I couldn't come up with something. As I finished my shower I tried to think of normal, brotherly conversations, but I couldn't think of much. I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed back to my room. After clothing, breakfast was my next stop. Coffee, root beer, and three toaster waffles. Plain. Interesting combination, I know…but you get used to it and then nothing else will do. You could say that I had fallen in to a routine and you wouldn't be wrong, but it worked for me…I think.


	9. 9 Nicks POV

After Kevin left, I stared blankly at the wall. I didn't sleep, at all…_you can interpret it the way you want._ That was pretty much the best answer out of that whole short conversation I was going to get, I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding in after I heard his door close. I'm losing it…

"I hate you." I stared at the picture I had of the band on my wall. I hated myself, I hated Kevin…I genuinely just hated everyone and everything right now…and I knew it was unfair, but right now, I just didn't care.

My mind began to slowly shut down, like I was in autopilot mode. I knew I wasn't sleeping because the light that slowly began to enter my room signaled that it was already morning. Man…I did not want to get up, I did NOT want to face the world, and I definently didn't want to sit in a vehicle with Kevin for the day. I should just tell him how I was feeling. No, I shouldn't have to, he didn't deserve it…but didn't he? He apologized…he told me he loved me…he kissed me…oh god… he kissed me. The fact we were brothers didn't really much bother me, I kind of gotten over that within the last few months to a year. I honestly could give a shit less about the incestuous part… yet I still couldn't handle my own feelings, let alone my brothers.

My mind wandered to the kiss, Kevin's lips were soft…or maybe they were, I didn't get a chance to tell, being the idiot I am and freaking out on him in all my anger. Sigh. Life was unfair. I was being unfair to Kevin…he just put his heart out there to try and explain something I still couldn't completely comprehend fully…and it felt as if I just stomped on him. Sure I was hurting…but…

I sighed as I heard the door to Kevin's room open in the distance, and my mother say something that I didn't catch. I knew he was going to shower…it was probably around 8 something now anyways…man…I really didn't sleep at all.

My stomach grumbles, signaling I needed to eat, but I was scared to leave the presence of my own room. Not wanting to take any chances of seeing Kevin before I would have to.

"Nick, sweetie, you up?"

I groaned and looked towards the door. My mother gave me a warm smile. "Five more minutes mom…"

"Five more minutes."

Thank god.

As the door to my room shut, I swung my legs over and stood up, grabbing my towel and heading out my room as quietly and as quickly as possible, getting to the bathroom Frankie and I shared and jumped in the shower. The water was refreshing, and cleared my head for a short time before I had to leave the warmth and dry off.

"Morning son." Came the low voice of my father as I passed our parents room and headed to my own.

"Morning." I said before slipping into my room and grabbing a pair of pants, slipping them on along with a misfits t-shirt, which was actually Kevin's that I never gave back, and my red converse, heading down the hallway. I guess Kevin was out of the shower; no one was in their bathroom as I passed it and headed down the stairs.

Well there you go. I entered the kitchen just as Kevin was finishing up one of his toaster waffles and looking up at me briefly before he looked away. My heart sank…I felt horrible now…even after all he's done…I felt horrible…I felt responsible.

"Morning Kevin." I tried to smile, but failed miserably. He looked up into my eyes and I could see he hadn't slept very well. I sighed as I grabbed the milk out of the fridge and poured some cereal. But as I sat down to eat it…my appetite vanished.

"By boys, Frankie's going over to Mitchell's and your father and I are running errands, behave!"

I heard the front door close, and Kevin and I were alone…besides Joe sleeping like a rock upstairs probably waking in a few hours with the world's worst hangover. As I stared longingly into my bowl of cereal I broke the silence.

"I love you too." I trailed off. My voice was shaky and I hadn't realized I had spoken aloud, only replaying last night and what I so long had wanted to say.


	10. 10 Kevins POV

"I know." I shrugged his words off, pretending they were nothing…after all they were, weren't they? Brotherly love, the bane of my existence.

"Y-you do?" he asked shakily.

"Well yeah…" I nodded, tearing off a piece of my final waffle and playing with it slightly. "I mean we fight but at the end of the day we're still brothers and we still love each other." I tossed the now sufficiently shredded bit of waffle in to my mouth.

"Oh…yeah…" he nodded in agreement, but I could swear his face fell slightly. Or maybe I saw that because I wanted to. No, I didn't want him to hurt, I just wanted him to mean that he loved me the way I loved him.

"We still on to go register today?" I asked through a mouthful of waffle. I guess I was too busy thinking about everything else to realize that I was still chewing. Oh well. I looked at Nick, one half of me hoping that he'd say no, he had other plans he'd forgotten about. The other half of me just wanted to spend time with him, to be close.

"I guess…" he shrugged. If breakfast was so awkward then what was the drive going to be like? Oh god…I shudder to think.

"So…did you uh…did you get any cool gifts?"

"Joe gave me Rooney shirt…" he shrugged. I didn't understand why he still liked them. I had too until I actually paid attention to their lyrics…or more until Anne forced me to read her analysis of them, proving that they were, in fact, sexist…after that I dunno, I just stopped respecting them even though we're toured with them.

"Cool." I nodded. I still felt bad that I hadn't gotten him anything. I'd have to remember to do that while I was out today. Wait, he was going to be with me. Fuck. I shoved the rest of the waffle in my mouth at once. Why did you do that? No idea…stupid popstar…dumb, dumb, dumb popstar, now you look even more lame than you already did. Nick raised his eyebrow at my less then flattering action and looked back to his cereal.

"Oh…and mom said I can get a dog…finally. It's been what…four years since Cocco?" What?! Why hadn't she run this by me? I knew he wanted a dog and I didn't care, I just felt out of the loop. Maybe because I'd taken myself out of the loop, that must have been it. Maybe if I appeared to care about Nick roughly half as much as I actually care for him people would tell me things like this…but no, I shunned him. That was just another of my many mistakes.

"Nick, I haven't been going about this the right way…" I said finally. He looked up at me, looking slightly hopeful. What did he think I was going to say? Maybe he thought I had a gift for him…that I didn't slack off.

"What?" I could tell that he was trying to hide it, but there was a definite hint of anticipation in his voice.

"Being your brother…lately I've gone off of the path."

"Oh." He seemed disappointed. I should have gotten him a gift. Stupid Kevin.

"Yeah…I mean I really do care about you, you're my brother." I began, choosing my words carefully so that they didn't display any of the hidden feelings I had locked away. "I've been running off when what I should have been doing was setting a better example for you to follow…" I trailed off, that was pretty much it right? Oh yeah…that and I love and I want to pull you on to my lap right now and kiss that dazed look right off of your face. "And last night when I…well…when I you know…" Wow, that was mature. "I didn't mean to freak you out."

"You didn't." Well now he was lying. I had seen the confusion on his face when he pushed me away…my kiss had scared him badly.

"Whatever…my point is that I'm gonna try to be a little better at this brother thing, because well…Hangover Joe isn't the best role model either...you know considering the whole Aileen broken vow thing and the uh…mysterious loss of a silver ring with a cross on it…" which I happened to know wasn't lost. It was buried in the back yard. At least he was having sex with his girlfriend instead of fantasizing about making love to his brother. Nick just nodded at me. "So, brothers?" I asked, looking at him hopefully, offering my hand for him to shake.


	11. 11 Nicks POV

**AN: Jacob-Bella...this is for you, i just put these up becuase ik your reading it **

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My face fell as he began to talk. Brother's…maybe I did take this all the wrong way…but he kissed me…I knew I wasn't imagining that last night. I could still feel the knots in my stomach from all that's happened within the last 24 hours.

"Oh." I manage to get out, trying to hide the disappointment as he continued on. I felt sick…not really able to deal with all of this at once…

"So, brothers?"

I looked down at his outstretched hand and hesitantly moved my hand for his. Brothers, that's what we were, what we were born to be…what we still were…forever. I sighed softly as I took his hand finally, the touch of his soft skin making me want to pull away quickly, but I resisted the urge and shook it briefly before pulling my hand away and staring back at my cereal, trying to hide the red rising to my cheeks in a blush.

"I'll go get our coats and meet you outside." I trailed off as I got up, any excuse to get out of there before my face turned even redder.

The ride there was silent, and I could swear I caught Kevin stealing glances at me while he drove. That caused me to blush a few times, turning my head towards the passenger side window. We arrived, registered, and left. We didn't say anything as we reentered the Jeep Commander, and Kevin started it up, driving off.

"I'm thinking about cutting my hair."

Wow…way to break the silence big brother. I turned to look at Kevin with wide eyes.

"What!" I choked out…his hair was beautiful…how could he cut it…"Like. What a trim?" I looked at him hopefully.

I watched as he shook his head, staring blankly ahead.

"No…like just cut pretty much all of it off, like before I turned 18 off."

"B-but…I like your hair …" I bite my lip, looking away. I felt his eyes fall on me as we pulled into the empty bowling alley parking lot…Kevin loved to bowl…and I loved to watch him bowl…he knew he was good, even though he sometimes tried to let me win.

For a minute I wondered if we were ever gunna get out of the vehicle, and then Kevin began to reach for the door handle and I panicked…

"I love you."

"I know, you told me that earlier…"

I shook my head. "No…Kevin…I mean…I'm…IN …love with you…"

OH my…baJesus with candlesticks…I just confessed my deepest secret to him…well one of them. My head fell forward and hit the top of the front console and I covered my head with my arms. No…don't cry don't cry!

I heard the door to the Jeep open and I feared the worst…he hated me.


	12. 12 Kevin's POV

AN: _Okay, I know many do not like SLASH, because it's either gross, against the bible, yadda yadda. Look, I like everything, and truth be told i dont have a sexual orientation. I'm not straight, bi, lesbian, whatever. I'm just Nik. I'm just the girl who has an apen mind to everything and every possibility in the world. So I'm okay if you didnt like it and it disgusted you, and appologies if it offended you in anyway, any of my storys. I have non slash storys, . You're welcome to view those. Quirks of being me, is a very good non slash. I'd advice reading that if you like jobros and complicated love...with girls i mean lol._

_I'm thankful for the support throughout my storys of Emily-Havah Kinny and Tree-Ermine AKA Tree. Good people, and good friends. I also am thanking Paula for just effing being there throught the past years. Sheesh woman how do I live without you?! lol._

_ALSO! Special thanks to Allie. Girl, you are a good writer, and not to mention you're acctually attempting to read Havah and my story we are doing together here. Thanks you._

_-Nik _  
PS...thanks to everyone else too.

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LOVE!

Okay here is KEVINS pov.

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Nick's words shocked me and it didn't take me long to decide what to do. I opened my door, got out of the car, went around and opened the passenger side door after looking around to make sure that no one else could see. I looked at Nick for a split second before placing my right hand on his left cheek and my left hand on his right shoulder. I drew him towards me, in to a deep, passionate kiss. I had imagined him saying those words over and over again in my head so many times and now that he was actually saying him all I wanted to do was kiss him forever. For a second he didn't react at all, then he started kissing me back and I felt his hands running through my curls…they were nothing like his own, but I loved the way his hands felt in my hair. I stood on the blacktop parking lot, making out with my own brother, just hoping that no one had come up, that no one was watching us. I pulled away after god knows how long and looked at his face. I noticed that there were a couple of glistening tears on his cheeks, but he was smiling. "Nicky…" I started, sighing. "Nicky, don't cry." I reached out to wipe his tears away, I didn't want to see him cry anymore. As I brushed them away with my fingers, Nick put his hand on mine and looked up at me.

"Kevin…why doesn't this feel wrong?" he asked. I didn't have an answer to that question.

"Um…" I began, unsure of what to say. "I guess it's because…because we're both in love and love is irrational…" I shrugged. "There aren't any boundaries when it comes to the heart…I don't think."

"Wow…" Nick breathed. "That was…kind of beautiful." I hadn't intended for it to be poetic, I had just intended to answer his question, but winning him over with accidental eloquence wouldn't hurt…not one bit.

"Thanks." I felt my ears growing hot…god…my little brother was making me blush without making fun of me.

"I just have one question Kev," Nick asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"The girl who answered your phone?" He looked up at me, shy and nervous.

"A friend Nick, nothing more…and if she hadn't kicked me out of her house the second she realized it was your birthday then I probably would have stayed the night on her couch like I did when you turned 16 and none of this ever would have happened.

"I'm glad that she kicked you out then…" Nick trailed off.

"Was it worth the tears Nick?" I asked. "The pain that I caused you?" I begged god to let his answer be yes; more then anything I wanted to cancel out all of the hurt I had caused him these last four years.

"Yeah…" Nick nodded slowly. "I think so."

"Good…you know that I never meant to hurt you, I just…I thought that if I told you how much I cared then you'd flip out at me…never talk to me again, think me a sinner and the devil's advocate…" I sighed, trailing off.

"When I was sixteen I probably would have but now…now I just want you tell me that you love me too."

"Of course I love you Nick." I reached out and ruffled his hair, that gorgeous, sexy hair.

"Thank you," he whispered into my ear as I pulled him in to a hug.

"Anytime Nick…whenever you need to feel loved come and find me because have more room in my heart for you then you could ever understand." God…that sounded so corny! Kevin, if you say stuff like that again you're gonna lose him to some smooth talker.

"That means a lot to me." Nick smiled and I just looked at him for a second, taking in every aspect of his appearance at this exact moment.

"You're so beautiful…" I whispered under my breath, but I knew he heard me because I saw him blush…now I wasn't alone.

"Thanks…" He looked away and bit his bottom lip. It was cute. "So…are we like…are we like a couple now?" he asked.

"Yeah I guess…" That was a little awkward…I mean we couldn't go on dates or anything, but I didn't want to be with anyone else and I most certainly didn't want him with any one but me. "I mean if you want to, that is."

"I do." He nodded and smiled at me.

"So…" I held out my hand to him. "Do you still want to go bowling?"


	13. 13 Nicks POV

It took me a moment, to realize the hand on my cheek was being gentle and not rough. The next thing I knew, my lips were encased in the moment or passion I had been hoping for, dreaming about for months. As the kiss was deepened, my hands found their way immediately into Kevin's beautiful hair; he had smaller curls compared to my own, but they were still just as soft, just a beautiful as ever.

We kissed on the blacktop parking lot for a while till Kevin and I parted. He loved me…he loved me; just as I loved him, love. My heart began to beat extraordinarily fast as Kevin called me beautiful…the red in my cheeks tinting the pale color of my skin.

"A-are we like…a couple now?" I asked, almost hesitantly.

"Yeah…I guess…" I smiled, as he looked fidgety. "I mean. If you want to…"

"I do." I smiled wider, another small tear cascading down my cheek.

"So, still want to go bowling?"

"Do I ever." _Do I ever?_ …Okay MAYBE I should rethink my sentence vocabulary sometime. I let out a small laugh at myself, catching Kevin's eye as we walked into the bowling alley.

"What's funny?" Kevin grinned curiously as we got our shoes and our lane. I had pulled out my wallet, but Kevin insisted on paying, he looked so cute… so I just let him.

"Nothing, just never thought I'd ever…" I looked down at my bowling shoes I was tying up next to Kevin and bit my lip. "Be with you."

"I know how that feels." He sighed, but his face brightened as I took his hand. "But we don't have that to worry about now…do we?"

"No…" I smiled.

As always Kevin won, I caught him trying to let me win once, but we settled it by me tackling him to the ground and us sliding down the waxed lane.

"Hey, we should probably head out…" I said a few hours later, looking at a nearby clock.

"Yeah I guess."

"We can come back another time, come on Kev." I pulled him to the counter and we returned the old shoes for our own and left the Bowling alley, getting into Kevin's Jeep.

Silence.

"Um…are we…going home?" I asked slowly, Kevin was transfixed on the steering wheel of the Jeep Commander leaving me in a small state of perplexity.

"K-Kevin?" I feared he was rethinking this whole relationship and my heart thumped vociferously through my muscular torso.

"Did I do something wrong?" I was afraid to ask.

"No!" Kevin seemed to come back to reality as I moved my hand over the door handle. "No, Nicky, I'm sorry I was just thinking what I…" I watched his eyes catch mine and they began to glisten. "I don't know what you want for your birthday."

That was it? He was worrying this much over that? I lifted my hand from the eject handle and placed it over Kevin's hand.

"Dummy…I have you."

"That's no present…I ruined everything."

"Kevin…even so…you just made my day…my life." I leaned over and placed a kiss to Kevin's hand. "And I hope…you know…I've made your day…I mean…even the slightest?"

I smiled hopefully, awaiting that smile that was assured to spring off of those lips.

"I love you Kevin Jonas…even if you're my brother…even if you're a man…you are beautiful…and if you cut your hair off, I'll have Joe sew it back onto your head." I chuckled, jokingly of course, I would never purposely cause harm to him. Ever.


	14. 14 Kevins POV

"Are you kidding?" I looked lovingly in to Nick's rich brown eyes. "If you like my hair I'm not gonna cut it." I was sad to be driving home…back to a place where Nick and I would have to pretend like the only thing that happened between us was normal brotherly reconciliation. I felt his hand rest gently on my knee and I smiled a little wider as I drove.

"Thanks." Nick gave my knee a small squeeze. "I mean…you're hair's just so cool…besides, if you cut it what would I do with my hands when I kiss you?" God…he was just so cute! He _would_ say something like it…it was just so Nick….

"You bring up a good point there." I smiled.

"I know, I always bring up good points."

"Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves here," I said with a laugh. "You've been wrong before kiddo."

"Really?!" he asked, feigning five different kinds of surprised. "I don't remember this…" I just laughed at him. He truly was adorable. We reached the house and I took the key from the ignition as Nick took his hand from my knee. I lingered in my seat for a second, debating re-inserting the key and whisking Nick off somewhere secret where I just kiss him and tell him that I loved him over and over again…but that wouldn't be a good idea. "You ok?" He asked, looking at me with suspicion as I thought.

"Yeah," I nodded and smiled, opening the door. "Just thinking…you know how that goes."

"I love you," he whispered in response. I shivered with the pleasure of the words and stepped out of the car.

"Wow, you two look a lot better." Joe greeted us at the door looking…well…hung over.

"You look like shit," I said, shoving him slightly.

"Yeah well, too much booze, not enough aspirin, eh?" He shrugged and we pushed past him through the door and into the house.

"Aileen still here?" Nick asked, looking around for signs of Joe's very on again off again girlfriend.

"No, we got in a fight." Again Joe shrugged as though it didn't matter.

"Oh yeah? What this time?" he asked.

"She said I drank too much, I said she just drank too little and it sort of escalated, no biggie, I sent her roses, she'll back over here by dinner time, she usually is."

"Just as long as you don't mess up and send lilies again," I said with a chuckle, remembering the time that Joe sent Aileen lilies to try and make up after a fight and she thought he was wishing her death because of the eerie connotations that lilies hold.

"Yeah, I won't be making that mistake again any time soon." Joe sighed. "I swear to god I didn't know."

"It was still funny," Nick chuckled. "Remember? She came over here brandishing a green light saber, threatening to do you serious harm with it…and then you ended up making out in your room…" Nick trailed off. "Still not sure how that one happened." He shook his head and I couldn't hold back a laugh.

"Ahhh, yes," Joe nodded. "I remember that well, the first time we had sex." He smirked mischievously…that was just too much information.

"You're such a loser," I said, rolling my eyes at Joe.

"Well at least I'm getting some…you're not…which makes you the loser, you don't even have a girlfriend…you're not even getting…getting…kissed?" Joe was clearly struggling for a better word, but he didn't come up with one. Nick and I exchanged quick glances and a secret wink…I didn't need a girlfriend.

"Come on Kev," Nick grabbed my shirtsleeve. "Let's leave this freak to his hangover and go play chess." Oh god…Nick and chess, that boy was OBSESSED! But any excuse being with him…

"Get better soon Joe." I followed Nick down the hallway as Joe muttered obscenities under his breath. He didn't like hangovers, but he liked getting drunk every now and then just because…it wasn't like he abused his of ageness.

"So, black or white?" Nick asked as we sat at the chess board in the study.

"Black." I knew it didn't matter. I could bowl but there was no beating Nick at chess. Ever.


	15. 15 Nicks POV

"You know." I said after I moved my queen, taking the bishop off the board. "I'll always beat you."

"Oh, just wait, I'll get you off guard one of these days." Kevin smirked.

I grinned. "Oh, yeah?" I moved the castle and crossed my arms. "Check mate."

Kevin's jaw dropped in mock surprise at his defeat, which only caused me to smile.

"Oh, what ever will you do with me?" I let out a gasp and was tackled to the floor of the study by Kevin, who began to tickle me. I writhed under him, squirming.

"AH! Hahaha!! KEV STOPPPPPP!" I giggled and found myself still.

What was it…did I hurt him? My eyes fluttered open, only to stare into the eyes of my eldest brother. He was staring …no… gazing down at my chest, where my shirt had risen up.

"Y…you…o-okay?" I stammered.

He didn't have a chance to respond, because we both jumped apart at the sound of voices getting closer.

"Oh, hey guys." Came Ash, Frankie's friend from down the street. I nodded to Ashton and sat on the chair as Kevin stood up.

"Hey boys."

"Oh, chess! Can we play?"

"Knock yourselves out." I stood up and left the room, heading to my own. I felt odd. A sensation of touches I didn't know I could feel other than from my self…

"Grand joyful joyfulness." I said to myself as I plopped onto my bed. I was eighteen years of age, with a boyfriend…who happened to be my older brother… and right now I had tightening sensations in my abdominal region that would not go away no matter how hard I tried to situate myself on the bed.

Jesus Nick, what is wrong with you.

My hand descended over my stomach, lifting the shirt off over my head of curls and replacing its place over my skin. I massaged the abs as they hurt, probably from laughing…but I could tell…I could tell I was feeling stranger than normal.

"Fuck." I sighed." What is wrong with me?"

Nothing…

…Or maybe, something…

Kevin…oh how I imagined Kevin running his hands up my sides, over my skin and his lips planted firmly to my own.

There it was again, that twinge feeling.

Oh god…I was turning myself on…

"Dammit!" I hissed as I moved my hands under the waistband of my now unbuttoned jeans and tried to take care of my problem. I whispered Kevin's name as I zipped my pants back up.

"Nick…Oh…"

"…" Kevin was staring at me…I hadn't even noticed him enter the room, let alone knock.

"OH god." I turned over and shoved my face into the pillows, shit, shit, shit!


	16. 16 Kevins POV

I stood there, staring at Nick, unable to take my eyes from him though I knew I should look away. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. He hadn't answered when I had knocked at the door, so I have just let myself in…which now was proving to have been a bad idea…a very bad idea. I hadn't seen much…just the tail end of his endeavors, but I'd heard my name. It was me that he had been thinking about. I watched him try to hide in his pillows and I felt bad for him. This was awkward for me and it was at least 10 times worse for him. "I uh…I…" I was having a hard time finding the right words. "I uh…well you left and I followed you and I just wanted to uh…" I didn't remember what I'd wanted. Watching Nick, even for just a few seconds, on his bed with his eyes closed, moaning and beating off had actually turned me on. I felt awful and a little disgusting. "I just wanted to talk."

"You hate me, don't you..." Nick's words were muffled as he spoke through the pillow. Hate him? What?

"No!" I went to the bed and sat beside him, rubbing his back with my hand. "Nick I could never hate you! Just because I saw what you were doing doesn't mean that I hate you, it doesn't change anything." I scrabbled at the corners of my mind for the right thing to say but I was having trouble. "Nick, masturbation is perfectly normal! Everybody does it." I knew full well that this wasn't why he thought I hated him, but I had to take it one step at a time.

"Not to the tune of their brother they don't!" Nick sounded distressed, even though the pillow quieted him. I grabbed him around the middle and flipped him over so that I could look at him closely, studying the worried expression on his face.

"Well not everyone falls in love with their brother either," I said, pushing some of the curls from his face and using my most soothing tone to reassure him. "You usually think about who you love…or at least who you want to be with…when you…you know…and if the person that you love isn't a normal choice then so be it…I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's ok Nick, don't worry about it." I tried to tell him with my eyes that it was ok. This was easily one of the most awkward conversations that Nick and I had ever had.

"So you're not mad?" He looked up at him hopefully with those big brown eyes and my heart melted. How could anyone be mad at those eyes?

"Of course I'm not mad Nick." I forced my arm underneath his back and pulled him until he was sitting up, facing me.

"And you don't hate me?" he asked shakily.

"No Nick! Quite the opposite actually." I brushed my lips gently against his for a few seconds before continuing my explanation. "This doesn't change any of the things that I said to you earlier." Nick smiled at me.

"Thank you…for you-know…understanding." He still looked a little embarrassed, but the situation was slowly becoming less awkward.

"Don't thank me," I chuckled.

"Kevin…there's something that I'm a little confused about though…" I looked at Nick, his brow furrowed in contemplation as he looked at the quilt on the bed.

"Yeah Nick?"

"When we were goofing around in the chess room and you stopped tickling me…what made you stop?"

"You Nick." I shrugged. This was an easy question. "I mean…I've seen your body loads of times but it seemed different now…it was like before I didn't care about it and now my goal was to be as close to you, to see as much of you as possible." I sighed. "I'm sorry if that creeps you out, I don't mean to be scary, it's just that you have a beautiful body." I was just rambling now so I found my self-control and managed to make myself quite down.

"Thanks." Nick smiled up at me. The full truth was that I had been captivated by his figure…his toned abdomen, his perfect chest…Maybe he was a little on the skinny side but there was no denying it…he was fit and it was hard not to stare.


	17. 17 nicks pov

He didn't hate me, well that was good. I was so embarrassed right then I could have won a ketchup bottle look-a-like contest, no problem.

Kevin was so close to me, and I was so scared, the awkwardness was drifting away but I was still scared, scared of rejection…even if he said not to be worried…I guess I just felt like I'd sinned…not like falling in love with your brother wasn't a sin already.

No.

If it were a sin, then god wouldn't have given us these feelings. That is something I never would have believed a couple years ago…heck, I wouldn't have probably agreed with it 6 months ago…but right now…it wasn't something I would agree with…it isn't something I consider a sin. We were made to love, to feel…and that's what I am doing…loving.

I stared into those beautiful eyes of my older brother like they were the most precious things in the world and I was the lucky winner to view them up close. He thought I was beautiful, and that made me blush.

"Thanks." I smiled. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest again and I could swear Kevin heard it, cause he looked at my upper chest as if trying to listen.

"You make my heart do that…" I whispered, taking his hand and putting it up to my heart. "It beats for you." I knew that sounded corny but I didn't care, I loved Kevin, and it was true, my heart only beats like that for him.

"I…"

I looked up into his eyes again, and found his eyes well up with tears. CRAP. I grasped his hand and caressed his hair with my other.

"Kevin…?"

"I feel it."

He felt what…my heart? Why would that make him cry? I leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. Only he could make my heart thump so loudly…

"I can feel it beating." He said softly. I didn't know if he thought me corny, or stupid, but right now it didn't come off that way so I decided maybe it wasn't.

"I love you Paul Kevin Jonas the II…" I whispered, chuckling as he lightly hit my arm. He hated his full name, but I thought it was a nice name; Even if "Paul" didn't fit him. Kevin…now that was a beautiful name, that fit him.

"You positive…this is what you want?" I asked finally biting my lower lip. It was all I could do not to start crying as well, my hand grasping his firmly.

"Nick… you are what I want…okay?" he kissed my hand.

"Okay." I nodded. I was scared of getting my heart ripped out, and in the same way, I was scared of ripping Kevin's heart out…I didn't wanna hurt him…or be hurt. I just wanted to be with him and not let us get torn apart.

"We're on Ellen tomorrow." Well, that was random; two points for Kevin.

"Yeah, I know." I smiled at him.

"Seems like it was only about two years ago we were on the show."

I only laughed. "

"What?"

"It was, two years ago."

"Oh." Oh, well that was a nice word…sheesh.

It seemed Kevin has started conversations when he was trying to loosen the mood. But I didn't want to talk about tomorrows show…I wanted to get this feeling out of my stomach, I felt nauseous. Maybe …it was because Kevin was so close to me right now…

"Kevin."

"Yeah?"

"C-can I…" I stopped…my breath hitched in my throat, how could I ask to touch him…this was new to me…and I felt like such a loser for being so scared and naïve to ask…screw it…if I can't say it, I'll…

I slid my hand slowly from its position in his hair and his hand and moved them slowly under Kevin's shirt; oh…his skin was so soft. I looked into his eyes, and bite my lip.


	18. 18 Kevins POV

I had opened my mouth to ask if Nick was alright, but the second I felt his hand underneath my shirt, on my bare skin, all of the thoughts and words vanished from my mind, I was paralyzed by his touch. I look up at him and couldn't help but notice how adorable he looked biting his lip. He looked nervous and shy but sexy at the same time. "I…" he must have thought that he'd done something wrong because he moved to pull his hand from my side, but I stopped him, pressing him hand over his, forcing his palm to sink slightly into my skin.

"Leave it," I whispered. "I like it." Nick gulped slightly. This was all new territory for him, and in a way, it was for me too…I mean I'd had girlfriends, who'd had their hands all over my bare chest, but this was Nick, it was different. His touch was soft, unsure; gentle…it wasn't grabby or possessive like the others.

"Are…are you sure that you're ok with this?" He asked, whispering softly.

"I'm positive." I nodded and put his hand on the back of his head, my thumb caressing the smooth skin on his right cheek for a second before I pulled him in to a deep, passionate kiss. As the kiss deepened, Nick's hand slowly began to move its way across my side to my abdomen and then up to my chest. Nick's touch remained hesitant, but that only made me want him more. I pressed my tongue to his teeth, asking him to open his mouth. He obliged and my tongue found his, massaging it gently. Kissing was so much more different than any girl I'd ever kissed, and there had been quite a few. Locking lips with Nick was more electric, it made me feel alive, dangerous and romantic all at the same time, it was a thrilling sensation. He loved me…after four long years he'd said the words I'd longed to hear, allowed me the opportunity to kiss the lips that I had so longed to kiss. He had touched me, if only ever so tamely, in a way that I had longed for him to touch me. I could probably have kissed him forever had there not been a knock at the door. Nick quickly retracted his hand from beneath my shirt and we jumped apart. I smoothed my t-shirt and Nick attempted to straighten his hair a little.

"Come in," Nick called. The door opened to reveal Joe, who was still wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and a bathrobe.

"Mom wanted me to ask if you were hungry," Joe said in a bored voice.

"What is there to eat?" Nick asked, glancing at me quickly.

"Uh…about 5,000 tons of leftovers from your party Nick…" Joe sighed. "So it's all of _your _favorite things and they need to be eaten so that we can finally get some of what I like in this house." Joe sighed exaggeratedly.

"Joe, you like wine and women, there's no way mom's letting that in to this house," I pointed out, chuckling.

"She did last night…" Joe shrugged and began to chuckle. "Besides, there are plenty of things I like that are food, so Nick, go eat all of your damned leftovers!"

"Come on Nick," I stood up, trying hard not to laugh at Joe. "I'm hungry." This wasn't a complete lie, I could go for something to eat…granted I would _much _rather stay here and kiss Nick, but that wasn't really an option. Nick nodded and we pushed past Joe, walking down to the kitchen.

"That was close…" Nick whispered to me, looking relieved, as though he'd just dodged a major bullet.

"I know." I smiled slightly.

"What if someone catches us?" Nick looked at me, worry just beginning to take its place on his face.

"They won't." I put my arm around him in a way that would appear brotherly to anyone else, but now meant so much more to me. "By the way," I whispered ever so softly into his ear. "You are the most amazing kisser…" His face immediately began to change color as he flushed and his ears grew hot. It was adorable.

"You're pretty good yourself," he whispered back, smiling. I gave his shoulder a small squeeze and we entered the kitchen to see our mother surrounded by boxes and boxes of food containing all of Nick's favorite things.

"I hope you boys are hungry…" she said with a sigh, looking around at all of the food. I just turned to Nick and winked.


	19. 19 NICKs POV

"Hope you boys are hungry…" I sighed, and laughed. Poor mom, she probably was thrilled about everything yesterday...and now she probably regretted ever having gotten so much food. I could feel Kevin's stare as we looked through the boxes, figuring out what to eat. Honestly I don't know how our parents dealt with this family's strange food appeal. I mean come on, Kevin couldn't last a day without rootbeer, waffles, and his guitar. Joe, he couldn't last a day without…yeah. Let's not go there. Me. I could not go a day without milk, sugar, Chinese…well I could, but then it wouldn't be fun.

"So…should we start at the end…or the beginning?" Kevin asked slowly. I forgot; he wasn't here for the party. It would have made me angry before, but now, I think he's lucky.

"Um…you can start at the end... I'll take the beginning." I looked at the boxes and sighed. Well this is an adventure in a half.

"So…this party must have been fun."

"Only if you consider a load of people, and funky cat smells fun…"

Kevin gave me a look of apology. "Aunt Pearle was here eh?"

"That woman has never even owned a cat…I still don't understand how she gets off smelling like a load of them!" I laughed, looking through the third of fourth box and pulling a few things out, some orange chicken to heat up and come pizza, orange fruit salad and setting them on the table.

"So, besides all of that, did you have fun?" He asked me. I could still sense his guilty tone.

"Honestly?" I asked as I placed the food in the large microwave and pressed the button. My back was leant against the counter as I looked at Kevin, who was pulling some things out of the next few boxes. "I was kinda in the tree house the whole time…being butt hurt cause you didn't come to the party…and you LIVE here."

"I know…Nick…I'm sorry."

I nodded and smiled.

"Really, I forgive you…besides, you've made up for it already." I winked; glad mom had already left the room.

BEEP!

I retrieved my warm food and Kevin replaced the empty space with his, brushing against me and making me almost drop my plate, I cleared my throat and walked to the table, sitting down. Kevin was quiet for a while, which only led to my thinking back on almost being caught. I don't think I could handle that if we did…what would happen? Someone could find out about us and totally ruin our lives…our family's lives…the band…but what I was really worried about was what someone could do to us…to Kevin… if someone found out what if they tried to hurt us? Like…kill us for being incestuous and …gay…I think…God…here I go again thinking.

"Nick?"

"Huh?" I snapped out of my thoughts as Kevin had sat across from me, taking a bite of something on his plate.

"You alright?"

"Oh…yeah, sorry just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing." I lied. Great job Nick, he already knows you were thinking, no use in telling him you WEREN'T now. STUPID!

"Nick, you can tell me…not like we're hiding anything…" He smiled, giving me that knowing look. Seeing as only we knew we were in love.

I sighed.

"It's just…if we…" I lowered my voice. "If we did get caught…what if someone…tries to hurt us…"

"Nick, I would never let anyone hurt you."

"Yeah…I just."

"No one will lay a finger on you…ever." Kevin sighed." Not if I have a say in it."

I nodded, knowing he could very well put up a fight, but I would die if he got hurt, I would die if I got hurt, but that was just irrelevant. I'm just paranoid.

"I love you."

I looked up and smiled, eating my food.

"I love you too."


	20. 20 Kevins POV

As we continued to eat, I couldn't stop looking up at him. He caught me a couple of times, but he just smiled, blushed slightly, and went back to eating. It was adorable. Nick was so…awkward, and his awkwardness was a turn on, I just wanted to lean across the table and pull him in to a deep, soft kiss but that wasn't the way our relationship was going to work, we were going to have be way more careful. I couldn't take him any of the places I'd taken previous dates, at least not in the same way. I wouldn't be able to slip arm around his waist in public and pull him in to my side. I wasn't going to be able to come up behind him, wrap my arms around him and kiss him on the cheek, not unless we were completely alone. It was going to take a lot of self control for us to make this relationship work, but I was going to be fully committed to him. "Kev, are you alright?" Nick asked. I guess I'd sort of spaced out, but his voice brought me down to earth.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled at him. "I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"Us." I shrugged and took another bite of my lunch. We finished the meal in silence and cleared the dishes. Without having to say it, Nick automatically picked up the dish towel while I turned the sink on, that's how it always was, I washed, he dried. I couldn't remember a time when it hadn't been like that, but I still found myself staring at him as he ran the cloth over the plates.

"What?" he asked, catching my glance.

"Nothing…just staring."

"Get back to work." He grinned.

"I'm older then you, you don't get to tell me what to do." I flicked water at him. The drops caught him in the face and he blinked a few times and then shook his head. It kind of reminded me of a cat that had been splashed with water. I laughed as his eyes narrowed and I could tell that he was planning revenge.

"HIYAH!" Nick snapped the dishtowel on my backside. Damnit…I'd forgotten how good at that he was…it hurt!"

"Ok, that's it!" I ran at him and pushed him against the wall, ticking him. He began to shriek and flail about, so I pressed my left hand over his mouth while continuing to tickle him with my right. He didn't put up much of a fight – I think he almost wanted my hands all over his body. He slid down the wall as I tickled him, and if I wanted to keep the upper hand in the 'fight' I had to follow him as he slowly descended to the floor. I took my hand from Nick's mouth and aggressively tickled him with both hands.

"Stop…you're…hurting…me…" I would have stopped in a second…if I thought for a minute that those words were true. It was hard to believe that Nick was in pain when he was laughing as hard as he was.

"I don't think so," I smirked.

"JOE! HELP!" Nick called, still laughing. A few seconds later Joe entered the room and just watched as I ticked Nick.

"Nick, is he raping you? Cause that's what it looks like…but if you're being raped you're not supposed to call for help, you're supposed to yell FIRE!" Joe folded his arms and raised his eyebrow.

"I'm not raping him! That's disgusting, you really do have a one track mind." I didn't even want to know where he got this stuff…and what the hell was he talking about with the fire thing? Joe could be so confusing sometimes.

"I know." Joe grinned as though proud of this fact.

"HELP ME!" Nick called as I continued to cause him to writhe on the ground with laughter.

"Hmm…" Joe put his right index finger to his chin and taped it contemplatively. "Nope, I don't think so, you're on your own." He turned and walked away, leaving Nick to his own devices.

"You see?" I asked, grinning. "No one's gonna save you Nick-o, big bad Kevin's gonna get you."

"I don't mind." Nick shrugged.

"Was that a challenge?" I asked, looking at him mockingly.

"In a way…it was more of an invitation." He shrugged and I stopped tickling him. I looked around the kitchen to make sure that we were alone before lowering my head and brushing my lips quickly against his. He deepened the kiss for a few seconds and then before I knew it he had flipped me and straddled my waist, pinning my wrists above my head with both hands.


	21. 21 Nicks POV

It was just what I needed, when he kissed me; just the thing to catch him off guard and flip him over so I was the one in control of the situation. He tickled me, Joe didn't help…he really wasn't much help just being around, to be honest. OH god, those lips were heaven. I straddled Kevin's lap, my lower half over his as my thighs lightly hugged his, my hands pinning his wrists firmly above his head as my lips now assaulted his. I didn't want to hurt him, hearing him let out a noise, and I furrowed my brow, thinking perhaps I caused him pain.

Oh…that wasn't pain.

"Oh…" I gasped as I broke the kiss, hearing the doorbell when I slightly moved in Kevin's lap. There is was, the slight sound but it was covered up quickly before I could gather what it was exactly because I immediately heard Joe bound to the door and Aileen saying something to Joe in a stern tone before the sound of lips locked filled the room and Frankie going 'Eww' and complaining to mom about it up the stairs. It's not like I didn't love my family, and I didn't hate Aileen…but I honestly swear they have THEE worst timing ever in the history of ever…timing…yeah.

"Nick, get up." Kevin whispered quickly as the paddle of footsteps shuffled near the kitchen. I stumbled backwards and stood up helping Kevin up and grabbing the dishtowel off of the floor as the lovebirds came into the kitchen.

"Hi." Aileen said a little flushed. I rolled my eyes and gave a small snort of laughter.

"Hi Aileen." Kevin nodded at her and Joe before turning for the sink…there was one dish left and it was a fork, so he quickly washed it and I dried it with a paper towel before following Kevin out of the kitchen with the dirty dishtowel and my now slightly throbbing crapped side.

I was not exactly lying when I said Kevin was hurting me…I mean I know it really wasn't him! It was just because of laughing so hard, the cramping…I mean. I know Kevin would have seriously stopped if I were really in severe pain, especially if HE was causing it…well, if it was not in intentional I mean.

What am I even talking about…wait not I'm thinking…wait…ugh

"Nick?"

I'm talking, arguing, debating with myself SO much it's no wonder people must look at me weird half the time, I must look like an idiot, I'm surprised I don't walk into something.

"Nick!"

"OW!"

That was a door…

"Man, what is up with you?"

"Sorry…" I blushed as I backed up from the hallway closet while Joe, Aileen, and everyone upstairs gave me the oddest look ever.

"Sweetie…you coming down with something?"

"No mom." I smiled quickly. "Just tired…to much food, you know what it does to me…"

I waited for her nod before I looked at Kevin, who stood nearest me.

"Oh, Kevin, son, can I talk to you?"

Oh, no…dad was going to go into the talks again…he did this usually before any show we went onto…which usually was a lot…especially when we were on tour…

"Yes, sir."

Our dad smiled…Kevin followed him to the study to talk…Joe and Aileen went to his room…mom and Frankie went downstairs…and I was left alone in the hallway.

"Great…alone." I hated being alone. Okay that was a lie, I loved to be alone, when I could…but now…I just wanted to be alone with Kevin. Oh well…beggars can't be choosers…what am I even talking about!

"Shut up!" I hissed at myself aloud. "God this is ridiculous I'm ARGUING with myself."

Sigh. I know, I'll take a shower…then I was out…out of my clothes and running to the bathroom to take my shower. OH, that cold water felt so good right now…just what I needed to cool down my…issues.

"Nicky, sweetie, it's 6:55, we're all going out for ice cream and maybe rent a movie…do you want to come along?"

"No, I'll stay here, thanks though."

"Would you like us to bring you anything?"

"Um, yeah…usual."

"Okay sweetie, love you!"

"I love you to mom!"

Silence. Well all but the heavenly water powering onto my skin. I switched the water warm and soaked in it for a good five minutes before washing and getting out, and wrapping a towel around my waist before exiting for my room. The thought of Kevin not being here made me kind of sad…well it usually did anyway, even when I was upset with him. What was that…I heard a small click as I moved for my door…every one was supposed to be out getting ice cream…oh, dammit nick you are just being paranoid again. STOP IT! I continued to enter my room, opening the door and closing it slightly behind me, I hadn't even noticed Kevin's door was closed to his room, when our doors were closed all the way it usually meant we were occupying them. I sighed and dropped my towel, moving for my dresser.


	22. 22 Kevins POV

I sat in my room thinking hard about everything. I wanted Nick so bad and I finally had him…but I didn't know what to do with him. We had to be so careful every time we wanted to touch or exchange words that were more than brotherly. Mom had asked me if I wanted to go out with the rest of the family to rent movies and ice cream, but once she told me that Nick wasn't going I lost interest…so here I was, sitting on my bed, wondering what to do about Nick. I loved him so much…with every, and I mean _every_, fiber of my being. Without Joe and Frankie around the house was so quiet…the only sound I could hear was the water running in the bathroom as Nick took his shower. I closed my eyes and pictured his face…his smile, his laugh…it was amazing, all of it…he was just so beautiful. I heard the water turn off and I stood, walking out in to the hallway, debating going towards his room. I stopped myself. If he were anything like myself he'd just be wearing a towel and I wasn't sure if he'd be comfortable with me seeing him like that. I turned around and headed back towards my room, waiting until I heard Nick's door close. I walked up to it and knocked. "Nick, it's me, Kevin…can I come in?" I called, waiting for a response.

"Yeah," he called. I turned the doorknob and entered the room, shutting the door behind me. My jaw fell open. I knew I should turn and leave, but I was frozen. Nick was standing with his back to me, rifling through his dresser wearing absolutely…nothing. I noticed him freeze too about a second after I'd entered the room as what he'd accidentally done sunk in. I knew that the decent thing to do would have been to turn and leave, let him get something on before I came back, but I was distracted by Nick's back…all of it. God…everything about him was perfect, his muscular back, his toned legs…not to mention that ass…it was the first time I'd seen it bare since he was young, 5 or 6 maybe and mom spanked him for throwing Joe's pet turtle out of the window because he wanted to see if it would bounce.

"I – I…" I was speechless. "I'm…I'm sorry…I…" my jaw moved up and down but no real sentences seemed to be coming out. Nick's body seemed to snap out of shock and in to panic mode. He bent down and grabbed the towel that he had presumably been wearing until only seconds before I came in to the room. Clutching it tightly together in a bunch at his left side, he turned around and looked at me, looking mortified. This was the second horribly embarrassing thing that he had been plagued with today alone.

"Kevin, I'm sorry…I wasn't thinking, I wasn't paying attention, I-" I didn't let him get any further in his apology. I walked towards him quickly with determination and purpose. As soon as I was close enough I put my right hand in the center of his chest and pushed him against the wall roughly. Without moving my hand I bent my elbow and walked towards him the rest of the way, closing the gap between us indefinitely. I pressed my lips against his, kissing him with a rough passion more aggressive than any kiss I'd been on the giving or receiving end of. My left hand rested on his side at the slight dip between his broad chest and slender hips. He responded tremendously to the kiss, letting me push his tongue in to my mouth. His right hand leapt in to my hair, pulling at it almost as I pressed my fully clothed body against his nearly naked one, letting my right hand lower so that it rested on the towel, sandwiched between the wall and Nick's ass.

"Never apologize for something like that," I spoke quickly with labored breathing as we separated momentarily to catch our breath. He opened his mouth as though preparing to respond, but I didn't let him; instead I forced him back in to the kiss, my tongue bursting in to his mouth before he got the chance to speak whatever words he was thinking. I tightened my grip on his backside and pulled him closer to me…the friction between us was incredible. I broke the kiss and caught his lower lip in my mouth. I began to suck on it, running my left hand up and down his side roughly as I did so. "I love you," I whispered passionately before putting my lips to the skin at the start of his jaw line just below his right ear. I caressed his smooth skin with my lips for a few seconds and then ran my tongue down his jaw bone, only crashing my lips back against his when I'd reached his chin. I thrust my pelvis in to his slightly and his reaction couldn't have been more perfect. He let the towel slip from his hands as he jumped in to my arms, his bare legs wrapping tightly around my waist, his back still pressed against the wall as he bent his neck down, kissing me like there was no tomorrow.


	23. 23 Nicks POV

Oh god, first I let him in…then I remember I'm not wearing anything, and then he assaults me up against the wall, and I'm admitting it…I fucking love it. Oh his lips, his soft beautiful lips that swells beneath my own heated lips, the tongue dancing in the ballroom cavern of saliva red. Oh my Jonas it was heavenly…why did I just …never mind. All I care about it how his lips felt against my own skin, the beautiful caress of those lips DAMN I'm not supposed to be liking this! He's my brother…how thoughtful, self, seeing as we've moved passed that way beyond hours ago. A soft moan escaped my lips as Kevin's hips thrust into my pinned body and it felt awkward…but right. I brought my lips to his after my mind dropped all thoughts of sanity and that towel to the floor, my legs wrapping around my brother's waist, holding him close to my naked form as my back pressed firm to the wall.

"K-Kevin." I whispered breathlessly. My hands moving down Kevin's clothed chest as I kissed him passionately. The aggression only added to the heat between our bodies, that spark I knew he could feel when we were together, the spark…of belonging. This, you see, this… was where I belong; in his arms. There was no denying it, no denying the truth in our feelings, the fire in our hearts, the hunger… in our souls. We were meant for each other…it was what god had intended…that's all I can say I believe anymore…because what other people think is immoral…well…I say they can shove it all up their asses.

I moved my hands down, my hands running up under his shirt so I could feel that…sweet skin. The soft texture like silk against my touch. He was beautiful…so beautiful. The shirt was lifted over his head and I swear I saw him blush as I kissed his chest softly, then lowered my lips to his right nipple, sucking on it, hearing him make a new noise…it sounded more like a squeak then a moan, but hey…I was kinda surprising…I guess.

"Beautiful." I whispered against his stomach, kissing it and moving back up slowly. Inch by aggravating inch, I let my lips move across his abdominal region, just to hear the noised I elicited from him. He was absolutely making the most beautiful noises, like music to my sexually rotting ears as I realized he was the only one I could see making love to me, ever…

My hand slipped down to my hip, where his hand was resting against my skin. My lips running against his neck in a pool of heart felt feeling as I dived into a blissfully passionate kiss with my brother.

"I love you." He whispered, breaking the kiss only for a second. I would have responded if he'd let me, but he wasn't and I was all right with that, he knew I returned his feelings.

He was the most beautiful, precious thing in my life right now…if only society would except us then there wouldn't be such problems in the world…such problems as Homosexuality beatings and deaths and incest was twice as bad if you told the wrong people…I didn't even know if there were right people to tell…but it didn't matter, I had Kevin…he was always protecting me…though I had to do most of that when he wasn't talking to me.

"Nick?" Kevin pulled away from my kiss, as he looked at his ring finger…the hand I had just been holding during the frantic kissing. Two rings, one finger. It was his purity ring, under mine…under my promise. My promise to only be with the one I love…only give permission to the one I knew I wanted the rest of my life with to take that promise. That was him…that was Kevin. "I am wearing your purity ring…"

"I'm aware of that." I chuckled softly as he moved away from the wall a bit.

"But…"

"It's only you, Kevin." I stepped forward. "It's always…going to be you."

It's only you, always…


	24. 24 KPOV warning

Okay readers: Especially the YOUNGER ONES! I know your over 13 so the PG 13 stuff pretty much (the rated Teen) is not in here. This would jump up to MATURE so please, as a warning VIEWER descretion advised.

love you

* * *

(If you havnt guessed EMILY writes Kevin) 

"Nick…are you saying that…" I didn't get a chance to finish. He pressed his lips against mine briefly before pulling away to look at me.

"Take me Kevin, I want you." He pressed his body harder against mine and I shuddered. If he wanted this the way I thought he did then I wasn't going to be able to control myself.

"Are you sure? That's a huge step…I mean…the rings, the vow…"

"Kevin, I told you, you're the only person out there for me, I'm not breaking me vow I'm just revising it. I'm vowing to be with only one person for the rest of my life and that's you…it's the same premise, it just excludes marriage."

"God Nick…" I sighed. "I love you so much."

"Show me," he whispered in to my ear. I felt his hands travel down and find the zipper to my jeans. He pulled it down slowly and I gulped. This wasn't like Nick, he didn't seem like the kind of person who would take control like this, but obviously he had…and I didn't know what to think about it. I wanted to stop him, to make sure that he knew what he was doing but he seemed so calm and cool about it…and lord knows I wanted it, so I let him do it. He pushed my back down on the bed and pulled my pants off, throwing them to the ground, my boxer briefs followed, now we were both completely naked.

"Nick…"

"Shhh." He rested his hands on my sides and lowered his head between my legs. I know what he was going to do and my mind and body flooded with anticipation. I'd heard that this felt good, amazing, but I'd never experienced it, that would be Joe's area of expertise, not mine. I felt his lips close around me and I felt a shiver of pleasure rush up my spine. He was careful and timid, this was his first time doing anything like this. As he began to gently suck my mind went almost completely blank, the only thing filling it were images of Nick and the sensation of what I was feeling right now. I couldn't hold back a low, deep moan as his tongue flicked suddenly, causing a new feeling that I couldn't deny was incredible. Anyone watching this would have told me that it was wrong but they didn't know how right it felt, having Nick there, being in his mouth, having him do things that I'd never thought he would…it was perfect. My eyes fell shut as he continued, pulling me closer and closer to an early climax with every movement of his tongue.

"Stop," I whispered, gently grabbing a bunch of his hair in my hand and pulling him away from me.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, looking up nervously.

"God no," I breathed slowly. "That was…perfect, I just…here, it's your turn." I pulled my body from underneath his and watched as he lay down. I couldn't deny that his physique was intimidating, his perfect six pack, his toned muscles…not to mention his porn staresque equipment…I paled in comparison to him.

"You ok?" he asked. I looked up at him, realizing that I had been staring.

"Yeah I'm fine you're just so much…never mind." I shook my head, knowing that it was my turn to bring Nick the pleasure that he had brought me. I took him in my mouth and closed my eyes. This was a different sensation all together. I wrapped my tongue around him, drawing him as far back in to my mouth as I could before beginning to gently blow. I hope that I was satisfying him the he had me and I couldn't help but worry that I was hurting him. I ran my tongue along the base of his dick and my fears and inhibitions were swept away as he let out a long, deep moan, one of the richest, most beautiful sounds that I had ever heard. His moan gave me confidence and I became slightly bolder in my conquest, sucking a little harder, drawing him as far back in to my mouth and throat as I dared. I felt his body moving and he let out another soft moan.

"Kevin…" he whispered as I continued. My name had never sounded so good to me before, I didn't know what to do so I just kept on going. A few minutes later he spoke again. "Kevin…stop…if we're gonna get any farther tonight you're gonna have to…" I knew what he meant and I slowly released him from my mouth. I looked up at him.

"You're beautiful Nick…I love you."


	25. 25 NPOV warning

A/N from Nikki: omg Okay so I told Emily since she always ends up stuck with the chapters or the parts like these where she has to write out the sexual mentions or whatever. So I volenteered to do it. So again MATURE rating.

View Descretion Advised.

!!love!!

* * *

"God, and you're beautiful Kevin, please…" I reached my hand into his unruly curls and pulled him up onto me, kissing him passionately. A hunger built deep down inside of me, and heat rushed throughout my body as Kevin's hand traveled down my body slowly. I don't know if he knew what he was doing but I sure hope he did because as soon as I felt the digit run over the entrance to my ass I began to shake and shiver. The touch was almost shocking because it was new, and awkward, but it felt even stranger as the finger entered my body. I had to relax, relax or ruin everything. I took a deep breath as I pushed my head back into the bed. 

"Kevin…" I moaned, the sound escaping my lips in a sensational way that made Kevin close his eyes and take in a sharp breath. I was having this effect on him that I didn't truly realize I had on him. He was in this sexual high. It made me shudder to think of the things he could do to me in this state. I felt a second finger get added, the pressure against my prostate causing more pleasure than pain.

"Oh my…" I gasped, my eyes shot open to look at Kevin looking down at me curiously, as if studying my features for future reference. I just smiled, afraid of babbling incoherently if I dared open my lips to speak.

"Nick…"He kissed my chest, whispering my name. The word had more meaning on his lips. Way more meaning than it ever had before. I was almost stunned by his actions as his lips encircled over my right nipple, sucking on it gently.

"Mmm…harder." I moaned softly.

Kevin obliged and sucked harder, thought it still wasn't extremely satisfying. I felt him shift, and pull his fingers out of my body. I whimpered at the loss and sighed when he kissed me.

"Am I turning around, or placing my legs on your shoulder? Or…what do I do?" I finally asked, blushing. I didn't know what I was doing and I knew he knew that but I was still embarrassed.

"I've never done this before…Nick."

I bite my lip and turned over, my back facing him.

"Sit up, like on your calves."

I felt the bed shift and looked behind me. Kevin was in the position and I viewed his body. He really was beautiful. My beautiful brother…

I leaned forward, sticking my ass towards him, which caused him to blush, as well as I and pinch my butt. I squeaked and looked back at him with a frown.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, but your butt is cute!" He chuckled. I rolled my eyes and then gasped as I felt the tip at the entrance of my virginity.

"Are you ready?" He caressed my back.

I nodded, biting my lip as he broke my virginity. Taking it with love.

"Kevin…" I groaned. It hurt.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, knowing the pain was probably unbearable. I felt him go slowly till he was all the way in, making me feel sore even as he moved. He stopped moving for a moment, allowing me to adjust and I finally took enough breaths to begin to relax.

"Move." I whispered.

He moved out slowly and thrust back in, hitting that spot again and causing me to moan and lean back, I was now on my Knees with him, still sheathed within me and I leaned back into him. My head lay on his shoulder as we made love. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever felt, and it was all Kevin. He was gentle, caressing my skin and soothing me into comfort. He took care of me and I felt safe. Safe as I'll ever be in my life, right there.

"Kevin, I'm close." I whispered, my muscles tightening as we both peeked. I collapsed against him and he turned me around and lay down so we could cuddle.

"I love you."

"Mm, and I love you." He smiled.

* * *

Nikki Note:

JOYFUL FUNKYNESS!

and yet NOW is where things start to get a little...dramatised...


	26. 26 Kevins POV

I sighed as I wrapped my arms around him. I loved the feeling of him in my arms. I closed my eyes and nuzzled his neck. He snuggled in to my chest and I held him as close as I could. "I love you so much," I whispered in to his ear.

"I know, you already told me." He let out a cute little half giggle half laugh and I just loved him even more for it.

"So what if I did? I wanted to say it again…what are you gonna do about it?"

"Shut you up." He rolled over and kissed me passionately.

"Psht, that didn't shut me up!" I stuck my tongue out at him. He responded by catching my tongue between his lips and enveloping me in an even more passionate, slightly more aggressive kiss. I responded by pulling him on top of me, running my hands down his muscular back, reveling in every second my hands were against his skin.

"How was that?" he grinned, pulling away.

"Speechless." I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him back in to the kiss. We enjoyed several more minutes of passionate kissing before Nick pulled away abruptly. He jumped from the bed, pulled a pair of boxers on and ran from the room quickly, holding his hands over his mouth, not saying anything. "Nick!" I called after him, but it wasn't any use. I got off of the bed and pulled my boxers back on, chasing after him. "Nick!" I called, trying to figure out where he'd gone. Had I done something wrong? Something so disgusting that he couldn't stand to be near me? Or had he realized what had just happened between us and panicked…had he lied about his feelings for me? Had I made him do something he wasn't ready for? "Nick!" I cried yet again. I didn't get a verbal response, but I heard the sound of retching from the bathroom. The door was open and I looked in to see my little brother hanging over the toilet bowl, looking weak. I fell to my knees beside him and cradled him in my arms.

"I…I don't feel so good…" he looked up at me. His eyes had gone darker and his face was pale…he looked completely different from the way that he had a few moments ago when I held him close.

"Nicky, what happened?"

"I dunno! We were kissing and I was happy and then all of a sudden I felt like I was going to throw up…"

"Oh Nicky…" I pulled him close, but a second later he pulled away again, holding the sides of the toilet bowl so tightly while he threw up that his knuckles were white. I sat beside him and rubbed his back.

"Kevin, what's wrong with me?" He pushed himself up from the toilet bowl as I handed him a tissue. He wiped his mouth and looked at me sadly.

"I dunno…did you eat something not quite right?" I didn't know what to tell him. I hated seeing him in this state, I'd never liked it when he was sick.

"I don't think so…I mean not that I know of." He shook his head.

"Ok…well…maybe you just have a bug or something?" I was trying not to worry, but I couldn't think of many possibilities for what could be wrong with him.

"Maybe…" he nodded. "That must be it, right?"

"Yeah Nicky." I nodded and pulled him in to a hug, fully prepared to let him go the second he needed to bend over the bowl again. He jerked away a few seconds later and lowered his head again. I hated the sound of him throwing up and it was made worse by the fact that when he came up again he had tears in his eyes.

"I hate throwing up," he looked at me sadly, crying softly.

"I know Nicky," I pushed some of the tears from his eyes but I didn't get the chance to hug him again before he leaned away yet again. This time when he was done I pulled him in to my arms quickly. "I'm so sorry you're not feeling well."

"It's not your fault…" his words were raspy from the vomiting.

"I love you kiddo…"

"I know." And then to my horror, he went limp in my arms.


	27. 27 Nicks POV

It hurt, the pain was shooting into my side before I felt the overwhelming feeling building in my stomach as I pulled away from Kevin and ran to the bathroom. My eyes focused on the round white toilet bowl, waiting for my insides to turn back out. Or come up, or whatever, just…the pain needs to go away this is ridiculous what is happening to me! Ow, fuck there it is again. That sharp pain…was god punishing me, or something!

"Nick!"

I felt him envelope me, over an over again as I threw the contents of my stomach into the round bowl in which my ass should be on not my hands, or me hovering over it. This felt so horrible. I felt pathetic, but the strength in my body was fading quickly, I felt like I had caught something, like the flu within five seconds.

"I love you." I heard the words, and my mind comprehended it before I began to see spots. Spots of light that began to fade into gray.

"I know."

The next thing I remember, here I am, lying on my bed. There was a heat blanket over like, I don't know five other ones, or was it under…I shook me head slightly trying to shake the sleep and drowsiness off only to cringe and reach a hand to hold my aching brain.

"Ow."

I felt like a complete moron right now…oh god. I let out a moan of embarrassment. I ruined the evening. I had the most intimate, love-sharing moment with my brother…with my boyfriend, and then I went and threw up. I wouldn't doubt it if Kevin thought I had second thoughts about what we did. About losing our purity to one another…Oh god, what if he hated me for leaving like that.

I sat up from the bed and swung my legs out of bed only to tumble to the floor with the massive mound of blankets. Well if my legs weren't so tangled in fabrics I could probably have gotten out of bed without tripping. Then again…

"Sweetie, are you alright?"

"Yeah…sorry I didn't realize how many blankets were on me." I pushed myself from the floor, shaking the blankets off and then reached down and tossed them on the bed, unplugging the heat blanket from the outlet next to my bed.

"Hey mom?"

No answer. I left my room and peered down the hall. No one. Hmm. I scratched my head as I left the hallway and went back into my room. I guess no one freaked out too much. Thank god, I really didn't want the attention drawn to me at the moment. But perhaps I should call the doctor, go for a check-up. I mean without anyone else…couldn't hurt right? I mean I'm 18; I can go if I want too!

The realization that I was 18 really wasn't settling in fast, not like I keep thinking it was going to. Every time something new comes up, something more independent falls into place, I realize I'm growing up. Sure I'm still a teenager, but I'm legal. I'm a legal adult. I can go buy cigarettes or a lottery ticket, or even go to my own doctor without parent permission.

I sat on the side of my bed and reached for my cell phone and dialed Dr. Murtz.

"Hello, Dr. Murtz's office. How may I help you?"

"Uh, yes. I'd like to make an appointment."

"Yes, name?"

"Nicholas Jonas."

"One second Mr. Jonas." And there was that familiar pause I usually heard when I waited for someone to go and do something. There, you sit and wait…and wait.

"There is an appointment next Tuesday at 10:15 am, would you like it sir?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Alright, Nicholas Jonas, Tuesday. All set Mr. Jonas, have a nice day."

"Thanks."

I hung the phone up. Okay, so that's like what, oh never mind. I don't feel like counting.

"Okay, so doctor…next Tuesday…" I stood up and threw some clothes on before leaving my room and trotting down the stairs, where Joe was sitting at the counter with a pear.

"Hey Joe."

"Hey…Kid…you feeling okay?" I could hear the apparent worry and hesitation in Joe's voice.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Um…because I found you passed out cold in Kevin's arms the other night."

"Wait…what?" How long was I out?

"You don't remember?" Joe lowered the pair to a napkin on the counter and furrowed his brow. I shook my head; I didn't know what was going on.

"You've been out for like 48 hours kid."

"Two whole days?" No…oh god, what happened to me?

"Yeah, mom said you had a fever, so asked dad, he said you probably had either food poisoning or a cold." Joe walked around the counter and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Are you positive you are feeling alright, because I don't want to see you passed out again, and you weren't even drunk."

"That's because you're the one who drinks." I smirked. "I'm fine Joe."

He nodded and returned to the other side of the counter, and his beloved pair. I only chuckled and looked into the living room where Frankie was playing video games.

"Hey Joe, where's Kevin?"

"I dunno, he's been out." He shrugged.

"He's with some girl names Anne."

I turned my attention to Frankie on the couch, walking in and leaning over the couch.

"Anne?"

He nodded. "I think it's his girlfriend."

"NO, he doesn't have one!" I frowned but quickly covered it up as Joe walked in with empty hands finally and shot me a strange look. "I mean…Anne's not his type anyway…"

"You sure your okay, Nick-o?" Joe asked one more time, hesitating his words because he was taken aback by Nick snapping at Frankie, who didn't seemed phased.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I nodded. Shit…what if I pushed Kevin away, what if I hurt him. Did I throw up on him? Did I say something offensive or do something offensive? Oh no…what if he felt disgusted by our actions. I moved through the door and left into the outside world. Maybe I just need to take a step back, I was rushing this too much. Oh god, only a day, not EVEN a day and we already broke our vow…but I wasn't lying, I couldn't lie, not about that. He would be the only one my ring would be given up for. He was the only one I wanted to share that experience with. And I did, and it felt perfect. But perhaps I may have not been fully correct in his feelings. Maybe he didn't want it…but he's the one who made the first move towards this relationship, as odd as this relationship is. I felt my pocket vibrating and I pulled out my phone. The screen lit up as I flipped it open. _Casey. _Well…maybe she could help. Talk.

"Hey Cas."

"Do you know you're horrible at answering your phone. I called you yesterday and no answer!"

"Sorry, I've been sick."

"You got a cold too?"

"Yeah." I lied. "Yeah, I got a cold, but it's gone now."

"Lucky, mine's been bugging my immune system for a few days!"

"Perhaps you gave it too me then, you were as my birthday party."

"Yeah, but you were like, hardly there at all."

"Yeah, yeah." I sighed as I walked the stretch of sidewalk down our street and gazed at the spackled pavement.

"Nick, what is wrong?"

"Nothing." Everything.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." NO! NONONONONO! I feel like screaming and crying and throwing something!

"Right…okay well I'll let you go."

"Do you know an Anne?"

"Anne who?"

"Someone who knows Kevin apparently."

"Oh, Annette!" Well she seemed perky today for being sick.

"I don't know."

"Yeah, I know her, why?"

"Oh, just…um, nothing."

"NICK!" I turned around to see Miley running out of her house towards me. "Um, Cas, I'll talk with you later, Montana is about to hit."

"Got, it. Later!"

I shut my phone as Miley Cyrus; my neighbor came running up to me.

"Hey Miley."

"Hey, what ya doing?"

I shrugged. I didn't really talk to Miley as often as I used to. Not anymore. She was turning 18 soon, and I probably would have seen her then. She and I used to do everything together, unfortunately when I decided I didn't like her judgmental attitude, I kinda stopped talking to her. Pity, she used to be such a nice person in my eyes. I used to have a crush on her, but it faded quickly.

"I'm just taking a walk…"

"Oh, well can I join you?"

Couldn't hurt.

"Yeah, yeah sure."

"Cool."

We walked for a long while in silence, and then we talked about a new song her dad wrote. Well, it wasn't the best of conversations, but it was enough to get my mind settled on something besides worry.


	28. 28 Kevins POV

When I came home, Nick wasn't in his bed where he had been when I'd gone to the movies with Anne. "Mom, where's Nick?" I looked panicked.

"Is he not in bed? He was sleeping…"

"He went walking," Frankie shrugged. "He seemed fine."

"Oh…ok." No one seemed to care that Nick was gone, just me.

I wanted Nick to come home. I didn't like the idea of him out, walking alone with the way he was feeling. He wasn't well and we all knew it, even he must have known it. We took him to the hospital, but the doctor had said that there wasn't anything wrong with him, that he was just tired, probably had food poisoning, but the way that he had looked when he had been vomiting scared me and I wanted him home and safe until I was sure that there wasn't anything wrong. I decided to call him.

"Hello?"

"Nick, it's me…"

"I know." He sounded bitter, angry even, why?

"Nicky, why don't you come home? I'm worried about you…"

"You don't give a flying fuck about me, going out with Anne while I'm sick…it's not right."

"I told you earlier, we were going to a movie, it meant nothing…Nicky, don't you remember this? You said that you were just gonna stay home and take a nap while I was out…you know I'm in love with you…" I was scared by what Nick was saying and I hoped that it was just some sort of sick joke.

"N-no…" his voice was shaky.

"Nick, come home."

"I'm with Miley…" What was he doing with her?

"Wait, Nick…you didn't…with her…to get back at me?"

"No! We're just walking."

"Oh, good. Can't you tell her that you're not feeling well and that you need to come home? Nick, I'm worried about you.

"I know…I'll try." I heard him put the phone to his chest and talk start speaking to Miley, telling her that he had to go home because I wasn't feeling well…which wasn't too horribly far from the truth right now. "Hey, you still there?"

"Of course."

"I'll be home soon."

"Ok…Nick, I love you."

"You too." I knew that in front of Miley he had to be careful what he said, so that was enough for me. I paced by the door until he got home. I was worried that something was seriously wrong to him. I wanted to pull him in to my arms, shake him, tell him to remember, but that wouldn't be a good idea. "Hey." He walked in the door.

"Nick!" I pulled him in to my arms, hugging him as though I hadn't seen him in years. "Do you really not remember our conversation this morning?" I asked him, stepping back and looking at him. He looked slightly pale, but better than he had this morning.

"I'm sorry…I don't remember anything since I passed out…"

"Oh hon…" I looked around to make sure that no one was looking and I gave him a quick kiss. "Joe and I took you to the hospital, but they didn't find anything wrong with you, so we brought you home and you've been up and about a little, but mostly you've been sleeping, he said you were fatigued…"

"Oh, so then I should cancel the doctor's appointment that I made for Tuesday?"

"No." I shook my head. "If you don't remember than I want you to keep the appointment, ok? I know, I'm probably just worrying too much, but with you…well I just don't want to risk you." That was more than true, Nick meant more to me than anything and I was terrified of losing him.

"I love you Kevin," he buried his head in my shoulder and hugged me.

"I love you too Nick."

"I'm a little scared…"

"So am I," I began to stroke his hair. "Don't worry baby, it's gonna be alright. Everything is going to be alright, I promise."


	29. 29 NICKS POV

**AN: FINALLY! this # story is being updated...sorry...i was waiting for the other chapoter sop i could write this. (love)**

**THE DRAMA continues...whats wrong with nick? Well...no one knows for sure...well except me and her (points to Emily) muahaha..ha..ha**

* * *

I hugged Kevin, holding onto him and just thanking the heavens I was able to have his arms wrapped around me

I hugged Kevin, holding onto him and just thanking the heavens I was able to have his arms wrapped around me. Why was I losing my memories? Was something that wrong with me? My heart began to pound lightly as I held my brother close to me and sighed, I'm 18 and yet I feel like I am 12…this feeling may never go away. The insecurity I feel when I don't have Kevin or Joe around…especially Kevin. How many days of my life would have been wasted away if it weren't for him? For Kevin always trying to protect me, for Kevin being right by my side no matter what when I was diagnosed with Diabetes? I know he wasn't the best brother the last two years but I'm finding that it doesn't matter if it means he loves me like I love him. Perhaps if I just held him longer the world would slip away and just leave him and me alone, to be together without worry or judgment.

"Boys!" Or not. I pulled away, immediately regretting it as our father looked into the room with an eyebrow rose. "You are letting cold air in."

I felt Kevin let go and feeling the rush of air as he shut the door that I think I forgot to close when Kevin had pulled me into his embrace.

"Thank you, now…are you feeling okay Nicholas?"

I Nodded. I knew it was a lie…I knew I was lying to my father, and in front of Kevin, but I had no other choice. I don't want to be stuck in a bed again; I just want to figure out what is wrong with me.

"Alright, well go lay down at least, Kevin make sure your brother gets a lot of rest, he still doesn't look …alive." I watched my father resend into the dinning room with my brows furrowed. What did he mean by alive…I didn't look alive?

"Come on, let's go upstairs."

I shook my head, my arms crossing over my chest as I let out a breath. I just wanted to sleep, but I didn't want to…if that made any sense, which I doubt, but I felt weak, but all I truly wanted was to sink into a world without this pain. The throbbing at my side caused me to wince and I thanked god Kevin didn't see it.

"Nick, you need to at least go lay down."

"Nah, who needs to sleep after two days?" I chuckled slightly. "I just wanna watch a movie…perhaps."

Kevin nodded and I forced a smile as we walked to the couch.

"Hmm…Sound of Music or…Little miss sunshine…?" Kevin held two movies up in his hands and I smiled, he was so adorable.

"Whatever you want to watch."

"Um…how about music videos." He smirked. I rolled my eyes, him and his music videos. Always what he watches in the morning, more like all the time he gets a chance to watch them.

"How about wrestling!" I said jokingly.

"Ha, ha." He stuck his tongue out and put in Brick, again. He knew I enjoyed watching this movie after he brought it home last year. It's something we usual watched together.

"So, the usual." I grinned as it started and he sat beside me.

"Can't resist the intense storyline behind this movie now can we?"

"Never." I laughed and sat back in the couch. I don't remember how long till I felt Kevin's leg against my own, and his arm resting on my shoulder.

"I love you." He whispered into my ear. I smiled and then winced. Kevin looked around to make sure no one was around and then I felt him kiss my cheek, pulling me close and tilting my head up to meet his lips in a passionate but short kiss.

"You are so beautiful Nick." His words always made me blush, and I only smiled back and leaned into kiss him.

"So are you, Kev." He was gorgeous…as he always has been. I felt his hand rest on my knee and squeeze gently. I giggled, it tickled, and that rhymed…nice.

"You are so cute." He whispered and began tickling me. I laughed for a minute before it began painful, I wriggled, and the pain began to increase.

"Kevin, stop…" He must have not grasped the unease in my tone because he continued the tickling. It was harder to breath as he continued and I tried once more. "Kevin, stop, your hurting me!"

"Nice try kid." He thought I was kidding…like last night.

"Kevin…" I began to cry as the pain shot through me again, I didn't understand! What, did I hit something" Did I break something? Am I actually sick?

"STOP!" I used my strength to shove Kevin off of me and got up, clenching my side and stumbling forward as Joe came downstairs.

"Nick?" I felt Joe's arms wrap around me as I fell to my knees, my vision began to blur and I began to cough onto our white carpet.

"Oh my god…Kevin what happened?" I heard Kevin get off of the couch and lean over us.

"Shit." Joe hissed as I began to cough violently. The floor was spattered in blood.

"Kevin get your keys we need to take him to the hospital."

"MOM DAD WE ARE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL!"

The sound of feet plundering the floors of our house could be heard through my ears and the next minute I felt myself being lifted into Joe's arms and cradled as we got in the back of Kevin's Jeep.

"Hang in there, Nick-o." I shut my eyes and held onto Joe's hand tightly, but wishing it was Kevin's. I knew he never intended on hurting me, and I wish I had the courage to tell him that in front of Joe…tell him I love him so much and not to worry. But I couldn't.


	30. 30 Kevins POV

**_Here comes the drama._**

* * *

I should have stopped when Nick said stop, and now he was in my car in Joe's arms as we sped to the hospital. He had coughed up blood. I was right, there was something wrong with him. This was my fault and I felt terrible, if only I had just listened to him everything would have been better, Nick wouldn't have become sick like this, he would have been ok. I was terrified that something really horrible was wrong with him. "Nicky, hang in there, we're going to be there soon, I promise that I'm driving as fast as I can."

"Kevin…what-"

"I was making him laugh and he told me to stop and I thought that he was kidding and then before I knew it he was pushing me away and falling on the floor coughing up blood." I was close to tears.

"Kevin, it's ok…" I felt bad for Joe, trying to hold Nick together physically and me together emotionally, god, this was always how it was. Nick had an emergency, I couldn't handle myself and Joe took care of both of us.

"Joe, I don't feel good…I think I'm gonna…STOP THE CAR!" Nick screamed. I screeched to a halt and Nick leaned out of the door that Joe opened for him. It killed me that I couldn't hold his hand while he threw up. It killed me that it wasn't me that he directed his statement towards Joe and not me, but most of all it killed me that he was sick. I wanted to tell him that I loved him in that special way, I wanted to kiss him, I didn't care that he was throwing up.

"Nicky…are you alright?" I got out of the car and rubbed Nick's back as he readjusted himself in the car.

"I…just…just get me to the doctor." He looked horrible. He was pale, his eyes were sunken and I could tell that he was miserable.

"Ok." I nodded and got back in the car. "Joe, hold on to him, make sure he's alright?" I shut the door and started driving again.

"Of course." Joe nodded and I saw him pull Nick back into his arms through the rear view mirror of the car. I didn't want Nick to be in pain, it was all that I could do to keep driving. I was terrified and I was beginning to panic. "KEVIN! LEFT! FUCK! YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT! PAY ATTENTION!" Joe screamed and I veered left, which can't have been good for Nick's gag reflexes, but he didn't say anything.

"Sorry, god, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok," Nick said. His voice was quiet and raspy, not the way that I liked to hear it. It scared me when he was that quiet. "Just keep driving ok? I know that we're almost there." He sounded so miserable.

"I know kiddo, I know." I tried to focus on my driving while Joe ran his hands through Nick's hair, soothing him and telling him to hang on just a little bit longer. "Ok, Joe, you carry him, I'll run up ahead and check him in." I took control the second we got out of the car. Maybe I wasn't the best person for that, sure, but I wanted to see Nick healthy again.

"Got it." Joe nodded and I ran towards the front desk.

"I'm Kevin Jonas, my brother, Nick is having some sort of emergency…it's like he's throwing up and he's in a lot of pain and he forgot like three hours of time this morning…oh, and he coughed up blood…"

"Where is he?"

"My other brother is carrying him in right now, please, can I just get the paperwork so that they can fix him as fast as possible?"

"Of course." The woman smiled, which annoyed me greatly, and handed me some forms. "What's his name and age?"

"Nicholas Jonas, he's 18…he's been here before, he's a diabetic."

"Oh yes, he's in the system, here, try these forms instead." She took away the forms that I had been about to fill out and handed me new ones.

"Thanks." I took a pen from a jar holding several and began to fill them out, praying that Joe would get Nick here quickly and that everything would be alright.


	31. 31 Nicks POV

**(here we go)  
BRACE YOURSELVES!**

* * *

"Nicky, its gunna be okay." I swear I heard Kevin speaking, but all I could concentrate on was trying to hold in my insides and not let myself throw up again. I hoped we got there in time. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live for a longtime, with Kevin. Oh god…I hadn't realized how truly in love I am…if I could adopt children, marry…all for Kevin I would! He was my life…

"Kevin…" I whispered as I began to fade into unconsciousness. I was in Joe's arms now and I knew this was not the end, never the end.

"Kevin's already inside, kid, let's just.." I heard the pause in my brother's voice and it made me worry. "Let's just get you inside okay?"

I nodded; trying to use any strength left to cling to Joe and not fall from his arms as he locked the car and carried me through the parking lot and to the doors of the hospital.

"Excuse me sir, can I help you?"

"I'm looking for my older brother, he's signing my younger brother here in." The nurse opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Kevin running over to us.

"Is he signed in?"

"Yeah, I just filled out some paper work, how is he?" I tried to open my eyes as Kevin's voice came into my hearing range. I just wanted to see his angelic face in my eyes but my energy was fading and I let out a few more coughs.

"He's not good, Kevin…"

Joe's arms held me tighter to his chest as he walked over to the waiting area. Almost immediately a doctor came in and walked up to us.

"Nicholas Jonas?"

"That's him." Kevin got up and told him about my condition. I couldn't believe how calm he was trying to be. But I noted his slight panicked tone as he continued on and Joe carried me down the halls of the hospital to a room where I was left alone, fading into darkness.

When I woke up, I felt a small pressure on my right hand and opened my eyes slowly. There he was…the love of my life holding my hand, asleep in a hospital chair with his head resting on the bed. He was so beautiful.

I could only smile as I watched his angelic sleeping form at my side. I hardly looked up as I heard the door open and Joe entering the room.

"Hey." He said softly, noticing Kevin sleeping still. "How are you feeling, kiddo?"

I took in a small breath and shut my eyes.

"Like shit…" I croaked. My throat was dry, and I instantly looked around for some water. Joe beat me to it and moved to the other side of the bed handing me a glass of water with a straw and I greedily drank the contents down.

"Better?"

"Little." I sighed. "Did you get any news?"

"Not yet, they did some tests…okay a lot of tests…" Joe paused, making sure I was not gunna pass out on him. I nodded for him to continue, my eyelids heavy. "They've been a few hours…we haven't heard anything, but mom and dad were here, we told them we would call if there was news."

I nodded.

Of course there was no news yet, this was an effing hospital since when are they fast?

"At least Aileen came by an distracted me for a short while." I saw his gleam and rolled my eyes slightly. Honestly, he could be near death and still get some. "I really love her Nick."

"Pardon?" Had I just heard that correctly? "Did you get into the hospital meds?"

"What?" He looked at me, taken aback and was about to respond when the door opened.

"Ah, your awake…good." The doctor stepped in and looked through the charts and stood at the end of the bed.

"News?" Joe asked, eagerly.

"Uh, yes…but…"

"But?" Joe's tone held a slightly dangerous tone; I shook my head at him. He wasn't going to attack the doctor…not until I find out what's wrong with me.

"Nicholas…your kidney is failing." He waited for a response…but both Joe and me were still. My heart beat increasing as I hope it didn't mean what I thought it did.

"W-what does that mean?"

"He's dying…if he doesn't have it removed and replaced…he's going to die."

* * *

**DUNDUNDUN!! R&R!  
sometime before we're all dead. haha  
(love)**

**Thanks to everyone so much for suporting Havah and myself through this story!**


	32. 32 Kevins POV

Nick, my Nick was in danger of dying if he didn't get a kidney, and I knew how long transplant lists were, many people that needed organs never got them. "We'll put him on dialysis," the doctor said. "But it won't keep him alive forever."

"I have two kidneys," Joe said. "He can have one of mine!"

"Joseph, we don't know if you're a match…we'd have to run a test…"

"Then do it!" Joe said, his voice filled with determination. "He's my brother, I want to help him."

"Me too," I cut in. "I'll do anything that I can to help him."

"Alright." The doctor nodded. "Boys, come with me, we'll do this now…the sooner that Nick gets the kidney the better." I gulped. What if neither of us were a match? What if no one was? What if Nick couldn't get a kidney in time? What if I lost him? My eyes began to well up with tears just thinking about it as I followed Joe and the doctor down the hallway. The actual running of the tests was a blur. I was silent unless it was mandatory that I speak, and soon enough we were back with Nick.

"What do you know?" Nick asked. He looked pale and scared, but at least he was alive…for now.

"Nothing yet," I gulped, shaking my head solemnly. It's gonna take some time, they won't know until tomorrow morning…but don't worry Nick-o, I'm not going to leave your side." I took his hand and held it tight. I needed him more than anything and I just hoped that he knew that, because I couldn't tell him how I felt with Joe, mom and dad in the room. Our parents had dropped Frankie off at our Aunt's house and they had arrived while Joe and I were being tested. If we were both negative for a match, they would be tested as well, but Frankie was far too young.

"Kevin…" Nick looked at me with his dark eyes, which, despite his condition, were still beautiful…at least to me. I always thought that Nick looked perfect, no matter was wrong with him. I couldn't stop my mind from thinking back to making love to him…it had been amazing, and not long ago at all. It was hard to imagine that things could change so drastically in such a short amount of time. I was scared, no terrified. Terrified of losing Nick, the love of my life. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go on living happily if he died. "Don't cry…it's going to be fine." Nick's hand squeezed mine weakly and I felt horrible. He looked so miserable, yet he was staying so strong.

"Nicky, I'm so scared…"

"I know, I am too…" Nick looked at me and I could tell that he was truly as scared as I was. God, I knew that this was possibility, I just didn't think that it was going to happen, not to him, it wasn't fair. This kid had never done anything to hurt anyone and here he was, lying in a hospital bed, risking death unless somebody helped him…I just hope that I could be the person that he needed. We all stayed with him through the night except for Frankie, who stayed where he had been dropped off. One by one, everyone else fell asleep, and once they had, I crawled up on to the bed beside Nick, pulling my arms carefully around him to avoid pulling out his IV. His body curled in to mine and I held him until I too drifted off in to an uneasy sleep.

I woke up the next morning to Joe shaking me gently. At first, in a moment of blissful ignorance, I forgot where I was, what had happened, but seeing Nick sitting up next to me in that bed brought me right back down to Earth. "Sorry to wake you," Joe said. "But the doctor got our tests back, he's gonna be in here in a minute to tell us if there's a match." That woke me up completely. I sat up and put my arm around Nick's shoulder, waiting with my family for the doctor. The news that he carried could save Nick's life or possibly condemn it.

"Nick," I whispered in to his ear. "Whatever happens, you're gonna be ok."

"I hope you're right." Nick gulped and I rubbed his back, trying to comfort him. A few seconds later the doctor returned.

"Nick, you're a very lucky boy indeed…both Kevin _and _Joe are matches…so if for some reason, your body rejects the kidney, you have a second chance…as long as both of your brothers are willing to make the sacrifice." The doctor smiled warmly at our family. "As for deciding which kidney Nick should take…well I looked over both of your medical records and Kevin's are significantly better, but none of Joe's incidents were harmful to his kidneys…he's just accident prone…so either would be fine…I want you to chose as a family and get back to me, you don't have to decide today, but I'm scheduling the surgery for a week from tomorrow…so it would be best if you knew by tomorrow."


	33. 33 Nicks POV

This caught me off guard. Both of my brothers were matches, yet which one was going to give me a kidney? Oh god I don't know if I could even ask them to go through this anymore than earlier. But I was...dying. It scared me, yes, but the only thing running through my head was if I lost this battle to a kidney failure...I would lose my life with Kevin. My heart rate monitor began to beep incrudeously, my breath becoming more panicly rapid as I thought over the possibilities of me never holding Kevin's warm body to mine, ever again.

"Oh my god...Nick?" I felt a pair of hands take my shoulders softly, and my eyes readjusted to the beautiful face of Kevin looking worriedly down at me. "Nick, what's wrong..."

"Nick?" Joe scrambled over, he must have been lost in thought too after what we just heard. I felt another pair of hands, but this time they were holding my hands. "Nick-o, breathe, deep breaths."

I began to breath like a pregnant woman trying to give birth, staring into Kevin's loving eyes. Soon my breathing began to regulate and all I could do was stare. "I love you."

"I love you too, Nick-o." Kevin smiled softly, I felt Joe's eyes on us and my heartrate began to decrease slighty as I realized what I just said in front of Joe.

"I love you too Joe...don't forget that." I smiled nervously, hoping he wasn't catching the hidden meanings in me and Kevin's lovey-doveyness.

He only smiled.

"Yeah, same here, weirdo." He grinned, ruffling my hair. "So, Kevin...I think you should give the kidney..."

"Huh?" I watched Kevin give Joe an odd look, I was kinda stunned too, this wasn't like Joe to give up that easily. I expected him to argue with Kevin on who was going to give the kidney. "Really?"

"Yeah, really...that is, if your willing to..."

"Of course I am!" Kevin cut Joe off and it made me smile stupidly.

"Good, I'll go call mom and dad, and tell the doctor." Joe looked between Kevin and I for a minute furrowing his brow in thought before he moved to the door, his hand already grabbing for his cell in his pocket. I was still a bit curious at his previous stance as he paused at the door and smiled slightly. "Don;t forget...there are people who come in and out of this room?"

Joe opened the door, and both Kevin and I watched in shock as the door shut behind Joe and we were left alone. "Did he just..."

"I think so..." Kevin must be questioning what just happened too.

"Kevin..." I sighed, remembering the reason why we were here in the first place. "Do you think i'll die?"

"No, I have faith in you Nick." He leaned down and kissed me and I sighed contently. "Besides...we have our lives to live together, remember?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "We do."

We sat tight for almost a week, waiting, anticipating what was to come and almost two days before the surgury I felt major pain again.

"What's wrong with him?" Joe asked as he watched the doctor leave the room.

"We have to do the kidney transplant now...we have no choice."

I watched as I was pulled out of the room and down a long hall into a more dimly lit room, and I almost paniced if it wasn;t for the door opening again another bed, thing came in with Kevin laying on it. He smiled at me, but I knew he was nervous. So was I. They left us alone for a little bit, probably getting clean and stuff, which left me and KEvin alone for a nervous moment or more. I thought about us, about what would happen if I didn;t make it...if we didnt make it, and if we did. I took no chance as I turned my head, wincing as a surge of pain hit me again.

"Kevin..." I whispered.

"Yeah?" His eyes had never left me.

"I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too, and I always will."

"Kevin..."

"hmm?"

I paused, taking a shaky breath. I tried to find my voice, forcing it out.

"Will you marry me?"


	34. 34 Kevin

"Nick…" I took a deep breath. "I…you…I mean…"

"You're hesitating, why the hell are you hesitating?" The look in his eye was slightly panicked and I was worried that he was taking this the wrong way. "That's a bad sign…Kevin…"

"Nick, baby, breathe…"

"Breathe? Kevin, you said that you loved me! If you loved me then you wouldn't have had to hesitate! It's a simple question, yes or no! I love you and I'm always going to, now do you feel the same way or not?" Nick looked at me, still panicked and I sighed.

"Nicky, you're about to go into surgery, you're only asking me this because your afraid that one or both of us isn't going to make it out." I took a deep breath. "I do love you, so, so much, more than you could ever imagine, but…Nick, we can't get married." The look in his eyes when I told him this practically killed me. He looked so sad, so disappointed, so…heartbroken.

"W-why not?" He bit his bottom lip ever so slightly and I felt as though he was going to burst into tears at any moment…which, come to think of it, he probably was.  
"We're brothers." I shook my head slightly. "We're both guys AND we share DNA…and blood, that's why I'm allowed to give you this kidney, this is why I'm one of two best matches for you. Don't cry baby, please…I want you to know right now that under practically any other circumstances I would say yes, I would whisk you away, marry you and make love to you for the rest of my life, but we're young, we're famous and we're related…I'm not sure that it will ever be possible for us to marry."

"B-but you would i-if you c-could?" He gulped and I could tell that his potential tears were getting closer and closer.

"Of course Nick." I smiled at him. "I love you now and I plan on loving you every single day for the rest of my life and longer." I longed to pull him into a kiss but the situation that we found ourselves in now didn't really allow for that.

"What if today is the rest of our lives?" Nick spoke what I knew he had been fearing and I couldn't deny that I hadn't thought about it a little bit myself.

"Nick, these things…they have fairly high success rates, we're going to be fine, ok? Just fine, both of us…and while recovery is going to be a long process, more for you than me, we'll be together, right?" I smiled at him. "But in all seriousness if something does happen to one or both of us…" I took a deep breath." At least we found love, at least we got to be together for whatever time and I just want you to know how much I love you, how much I care about you and I will fight as hard as I can to keep you."

"I know." Nick nodded and saw one glistening tear roll down his cheek. "You wouldn't be on that bed right now if you didn't love me, if you didn't care for me." Nick let out a shaky sob. "And I love you just as much as you love me, maybe more…and thank you for doing this, I need it and you know that, but still, it's a huge risk and as twisted as it sounds, I'm glad that it's you taking it because…well…I want to have a part of you with me always." That was enough to get me crying too.

"Nicky, we're going to be fine and you know that I would NEVER let anything happen to you, right? I will do anything in my power to keep you alive…all of us would, mom, dad, Joe, even little Frankie…you mean everything to us."

"You're the one who really counts when it comes down to the line, Kev, because you're the one who loves me as family and as more…so I'm just…I'm so lucky to have you and I want you to know that, alright?" Nick's brown eyes pierced my hazel ones and I nodded.

"This isn't the end Nicky, it's not even goodbye, it's just surgery, people go through it all of the time, we'll both be out on a few hours and we'll be doped up as hell, but it'll be worth it because you will be alive to see a lot more of me."

"I've seen all of you," Nick smiled, attempting a joke.

"You know what I meant you little pervert."

"Who's a pervert?" Joe came into the room, a weak smile on his face.

"Joe, what are you doing in here?" I asked. We had already said what was needed to our family, they were supposed to stay in the waiting area until we were finished.

"Did you guys really think that I would let two of my brothers go into life altering surgery without telling them how much I love them and wishing them luck?"

"Young man, you're not supposed to be in here…" a nurse came in and frowned at Joe.

"No…I suppose not." He smiled at us. "Good luck bros, I'll see you on the other side, alright? Nick, hang in there, I love you both." Joe nodded at us and I could see that, as brave as he was trying to be, he was just as scared as I was. He turned and left and I gulped, hoping that we'd all be able to be on stage with him again…no illness, injuries or problems.

"Alright you two, it's time for the anesthesia, are you ready?" I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to go under and potentially never see Nick again. Was I scared for my own life? Yeah, a little, but more than anything I was afraid that Nick wouldn't come out of this. As I drifted off all I could think of was Nick and how much I loved him.

AFTER THE SURGERY

When I woke up, it took me a bit to remember where I was, but once I heard the beeping of machines and things, I opened my eyes and saw the hospital room. There were balloons and cards from fans and such, the usual for after surgery. I looked around, expecting to see a second bed next to mine, but the only other person in the room was my father. "D-dad…where's Nick?" I spoke shakily, not sure if I really wanted to hear the answer.

"Son, he's in intensive care…he wasn't as lucky as you…"


End file.
